Help - I think I’m in an abusive relationship.

So my partner keeps saying I frustrate him and recently we’ve had multiple arguments over stupid things, such as me falling asleep early (9:15pm) I’m a nurse and work 12.5hr shifts, 14 if you add travel. My partner works from home in a stressful, yet very flexible job where he often has time to play on his Xbox during the working day.

Tonight’s argument was me falling asleep early, apparently that frustrates him and pisses him off and I’m so selfish for it. I was explaining why I am so tried and all I got was ‘well I work in a busy job and I’m not tired you need checking you’re so weird for falling asleep at this time’. I kinda snapped when I shouldn’t which caused him to get really angry, shout at me and slam doors (have told him multiple times this scares me, I don’t do aggression well). To which he stated tonight that if I did not annoy him, he wouldn’t do it therefore it’s all my fault and I’m a selfish bell***.

He’s now sulking downstairs because I make his life hell and I’m so hard to live with and no one understands him. I feel emotionally numb and so tired. It’s draining me as I’m always the one in the wrong and he doesn’t seem to take responsibility for his actions and blames me.

Advice would be helpful… thanks x

Turtlepower · 36-40, M

He's gaslighting you pretty bad and he lacks empathy which unfortunately seems more normal than it should. Not to sound too 90's but his behavior is kind of the gate way to worse abuse. I don't know your entire situation but I'd evaluate your options, and then have a very serious conversation with him. Being tired after a 14 hour day is normal and allowed and frankly if he can't handle that then you two aren't compatible.