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Help - I think I’m in an abusive relationship.

So my partner keeps saying I frustrate him and recently we’ve had multiple arguments over stupid things, such as me falling asleep early (9:15pm) I’m a nurse and work 12.5hr shifts, 14 if you add travel. My partner works from home in a stressful, yet very flexible job where he often has time to play on his Xbox during the working day.

Tonight’s argument was me falling asleep early, apparently that frustrates him and pisses him off and I’m so selfish for it. I was explaining why I am so tried and all I got was ‘well I work in a busy job and I’m not tired you need checking you’re so weird for falling asleep at this time’. I kinda snapped when I shouldn’t which caused him to get really angry, shout at me and slam doors (have told him multiple times this scares me, I don’t do aggression well). To which he stated tonight that if I did not annoy him, he wouldn’t do it therefore it’s all my fault and I’m a selfish bell***.

He’s now sulking downstairs because I make his life hell and I’m so hard to live with and no one understands him. I feel emotionally numb and so tired. It’s draining me as I’m always the one in the wrong and he doesn’t seem to take responsibility for his actions and blames me.

Advice would be helpful… thanks x
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justanothername · 51-55, M
Yes you are in an abusive relationship. There is physical abuse and psychological abuse which is all about mind games and making you feel like you are always at fault.

Do you have anyone you could stay with?
Scandisecret · 26-30, F
@justanothername sadly not, my parents separated and currently don’t have any room at their new houses (remarried etc) but they don’t know what’s happening and I don’t want to worry them
Turtlepower · 36-40, M
@Scandisecret they'd make room to get their child out of an abusive situation.
justanothername · 51-55, M
@Scandisecret You should tell them. Parents are there to help, as are your friends.
A problem shared is a problem halved.