Northwest · M
1. Can you talk to this person for 12 hours without an agenda.
2. Can you sit with this person silently for 1 hour without feeling awkward.
3. Can this person talk to you as a friend.
4. Can this person respect you as a friend.
2. Can you sit with this person silently for 1 hour without feeling awkward.
3. Can this person talk to you as a friend.
4. Can this person respect you as a friend.
It's also possible that people in long term relationships, or marriages, have already considered this, and they also replaced "talk to" with "having a conversation with." It works better/
Jasmine2026 · F
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1490wayb · 61-69, M
@Jasmine2026 you will have to tell him go mow the grass a LOT😂😂
Jasmine2026 · F
@1490wayb he can play games or hangout with his friend's if we had to talk all day
Rabscuttle · 41-45
LIFE is a chemical process, and can last only 6-9 decades. Why do you dismiss something's importance just because you know its mechanics? If anything, that should make it more impressive, like how "driving a car" is just driving a car, but "operating a metal box at speeds several times faster than you ever evolved to move by exploding processed dinosaur corpses", while exactly the same procedure, is WAY more metal.
ABCDEF7 · M
@Rabscuttle So what do you suggest, what should be considered while choosing life partner?
4meAndyou · F
All of that is true, to a certain extent. The EX and I ticked all of the marks...except for the respect.
HE did not respect me or my humanity at all, and as his behaviors deteriorated, I COULD not respect HIM.
You see...the questions above do not address the simple fact that people can CHANGE. Sometimes very drastically.
HE did not respect me or my humanity at all, and as his behaviors deteriorated, I COULD not respect HIM.
You see...the questions above do not address the simple fact that people can CHANGE. Sometimes very drastically.
4meAndyou · F
@ABCDEF7 IF that person is doing drugs or drinks heavily, I would say chances are fairly good that they can change for the worse. It is VERY hard to tell whether or not someone is bi-polar or mentally ill in ADVANCE of committing to a relationship IF they are drinking or doing drugs...because they USE the drugs and alcohol to MASK their bi-polar nature and HIDE it.
There is no way to predict major illnesses in advance, however...and my own marriage not only had the above incorporated into it, but was also marred by FIVE years of the ex's disability. AFTER he was fired from his last job, and started his own business, he came down with a very odd disease which caused his hands and feet to swell painfully. He was unable to work during that time, and had to re-train during that five years, so that he COULD earn money eventually. I recall that the disease was called Spondyloarthropathy.
No one could have predicted that...and I, for one, could not have predicted that his entire personality would undergo such a drastic change...wherein he DECIDED that because he was disabled, he was no longer a real man. His personality went south, and he became angry and violent. Fortunately, after five years, the disease went into remission.
There is no way to predict major illnesses in advance, however...and my own marriage not only had the above incorporated into it, but was also marred by FIVE years of the ex's disability. AFTER he was fired from his last job, and started his own business, he came down with a very odd disease which caused his hands and feet to swell painfully. He was unable to work during that time, and had to re-train during that five years, so that he COULD earn money eventually. I recall that the disease was called Spondyloarthropathy.
No one could have predicted that...and I, for one, could not have predicted that his entire personality would undergo such a drastic change...wherein he DECIDED that because he was disabled, he was no longer a real man. His personality went south, and he became angry and violent. Fortunately, after five years, the disease went into remission.
4meAndyou · F
@ABCDEF7 I read up on it...BECAUSE of my experience with the ex.
When people are bi-polar, and they go into a manic phase, they self-medicate. In other words, they USE illegal drugs or alcohol to bring themselves DOWN from their manic state.
It's not a weakness, as much as it is an undiagnosed and untreated ILLNESS. Being mentally ill does not mean you are weak. It COULD mean you are ignorant not to be able to recognize your own illness and get some help.
When people are bi-polar, and they go into a manic phase, they self-medicate. In other words, they USE illegal drugs or alcohol to bring themselves DOWN from their manic state.
It's not a weakness, as much as it is an undiagnosed and untreated ILLNESS. Being mentally ill does not mean you are weak. It COULD mean you are ignorant not to be able to recognize your own illness and get some help.