How to decide your life partner in today's scenario?

Not my thoughts, just summarizing a video I recently watched.

Love related marriages may not last. Love(as perceived taday) is a chemical process and it can last only 6 - 9 months. You marry for friendship and you should marry for respect, it's a Havard University research.

You should ask yourself these 4 questions to yourself.

1. Can you talk to this person for 12 hours without an agenda.
2. Can you sit with this person silently for 1 hour without feeling awkward.
3. Can this person talk to you as a friend.
4. Can this person respect you as a friend.

Your objective of marriage should be when you're 72 or something and you're in a hospital, you have your friend that is your partner sitting by you in the hospital.

Top | New | Old

jarrod73 · 51-55, MNew

Very cautiously, vet your perspective, person very thoroughly

Slavem · 70-79, M

We are in out 70’s and take care of each other I’ve been through rough medical issues and my wife has always been there

EldritchFox

I don't believe love is a chemical, nor do I believe in marriage.

I'd rather be with someone who knows me inside and out and still chooses me.

vic7ory

@EldritchFox i wish i knew what it was like to be truly chosen...

EldritchFox

@vic7ory as do I, and not just for what I offer, for who I am. Just don't think the human hive mind works that way anymore.

Ontheroad · M

Get a cat. No research necessary.

Mindful · 56-60, F

I don't think I can talk to ANYONE for 12 hours. I feel pretty good about the rest.

ElRengo · 70-79, M

I strongly dissagre

4meAndyou · F

All of that is true, to a certain extent. The EX and I ticked all of the marks...except for the respect.
HE did not respect me or my humanity at all, and as his behaviors deteriorated, I COULD not respect HIM.

You see...the questions above do not address the simple fact that people can CHANGE. Sometimes very drastically.

ABCDEF7 · M

@4meAndyou you are right, people can change. What do you think is a good test that can give you a red flag that they can easily change. If you got some insight about this in your experience.

4meAndyou · F

@ABCDEF7 IF that person is doing drugs or drinks heavily, I would say chances are fairly good that they can change for the worse. It is VERY hard to tell whether or not someone is bi-polar or mentally ill in ADVANCE of committing to a relationship IF they are drinking or doing drugs...because they USE the drugs and alcohol to MASK their bi-polar nature and HIDE it.

There is no way to predict major illnesses in advance, however...and my own marriage not only had the above incorporated into it, but was also marred by FIVE years of the ex's disability. AFTER he was fired from his last job, and started his own business, he came down with a very odd disease which caused his hands and feet to swell painfully. He was unable to work during that time, and had to re-train during that five years, so that he COULD earn money eventually. I recall that the disease was called Spondyloarthropathy.

No one could have predicted that...and I, for one, could not have predicted that his entire personality would undergo such a drastic change...wherein he DECIDED that because he was disabled, he was no longer a real man. His personality went south, and he became angry and violent. Fortunately, after five years, the disease went into remission.

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