there is this girl
who would frequent a young adults church thing i go to weekly. very reserved, as i now discover must have some sort of spectrum disorder. never added any other guy from the group on social media yet had been going for over a year, with it having a massive emphasis on getting married, but would ask me to sit with her to "stop other guys talking to her", then it was "hey stephen! :)" to get my attention from across the room. Agreeing to any suggestion like "you could teach for my business", "we should go and do bowling" and then she asked for piano lessons, i loaned her my piano having it taken to her house. i then asked if we could watch a movie together and have a meal together after the lesson and she said that sounded good. i then showed her a picture of the chocolates i got her which she hearted.
she happened to ask for the piano and lessons just a week before taking a month's holiday in her home country of india. she had had the whole year to ask for lessons but asks for them just a week before her india trip, and she didnt even tell me about it until id given her the piano. she then came back, accepted the chocolate. then a week later, she completely 180d on everything.
im now on the last stage of this neurodivergent "relationship cycle", the "final discard" and "painted black" phase. she knows ive now seen her nasty, disordered real self, the self she was hiding by being withdrawn and is probably rightfully assuming im now talking to others about what she did, which exposes her. and so, she blocked me on whatsapp, (the final discard) and will now likely reinvent the story in which she is the victim ready for if someone does comment on what ive shared with them (painted black).
She (like many who use this relationship cycle), keep another contact medium open. Why? The sudden block on one creates a severe stress response - lots of cortisol. i then see im unblocked on the other - massive dopamine. i have the opportunity to try and fix it, to find out what happened. and that urge is on steroids as the cortisol dopamine cycle addiction is as strong as a cocaine addiction.
If i get all beggy, trying to fix it etc then that serves as proof that i was this crazy person she needs to block, and she never has to face accountability for what she did. so, she wont get that, however it's incredibly stressful and we attend the same in person group. we actually dont have a group meetup for 8 weeks. so no "hey stephen :)" to keep me hooked, so wouldnt be surprised if this is the way she can keep that intermittent reinforcement going long distance. i could just ask her friend if she can see her profile picture, but then they will likely gossip, and thing is, she's also on the spectrum, she befriends spectrum girls and this girl in question is one of those. =/
she happened to ask for the piano and lessons just a week before taking a month's holiday in her home country of india. she had had the whole year to ask for lessons but asks for them just a week before her india trip, and she didnt even tell me about it until id given her the piano. she then came back, accepted the chocolate. then a week later, she completely 180d on everything.
im now on the last stage of this neurodivergent "relationship cycle", the "final discard" and "painted black" phase. she knows ive now seen her nasty, disordered real self, the self she was hiding by being withdrawn and is probably rightfully assuming im now talking to others about what she did, which exposes her. and so, she blocked me on whatsapp, (the final discard) and will now likely reinvent the story in which she is the victim ready for if someone does comment on what ive shared with them (painted black).
She (like many who use this relationship cycle), keep another contact medium open. Why? The sudden block on one creates a severe stress response - lots of cortisol. i then see im unblocked on the other - massive dopamine. i have the opportunity to try and fix it, to find out what happened. and that urge is on steroids as the cortisol dopamine cycle addiction is as strong as a cocaine addiction.
If i get all beggy, trying to fix it etc then that serves as proof that i was this crazy person she needs to block, and she never has to face accountability for what she did. so, she wont get that, however it's incredibly stressful and we attend the same in person group. we actually dont have a group meetup for 8 weeks. so no "hey stephen :)" to keep me hooked, so wouldnt be surprised if this is the way she can keep that intermittent reinforcement going long distance. i could just ask her friend if she can see her profile picture, but then they will likely gossip, and thing is, she's also on the spectrum, she befriends spectrum girls and this girl in question is one of those. =/
31-35, M
