feeling anxious about feeling upset
yesterday i threw a snowball at my roommate, bc usually whoever between us sees it snowed first surprises the other with a snowball. i was laughing and ran away, then he went outside to get snow. we were play-wrestling and i told him not to put it down my shirt, bc he was starting to pin me down (over the last few weeks he has been touching me a lot. i'll spare the details, this post is long enough) but ive been trying to reestablish boundaries bc he has just been getting sooo handsy, especially if im drunk or tipsy. which i dont drink now, bc i think i have an alcohol intolerance. no matter how little i drink I just feel instantly nauseous
but he said "i won't put it down your shirt, ill put it up your shirt!" and he started rubbing the snow all over my stomach and chest
i just stopped laughing and i tried to not be angry or upset because i hate conflict and dont want to make him upset. i just kept repeating "i said not to put it down my shirt):" and he didnt say anything, or maybe he made the same joke about it going up my shirt, idr.
later, on the couch, honestly idr the exact context. but i think he asked me to get something and i was like "lol ill get it if you apologize for putting snow down my shirt when i asked you not to :D "
i know an apology means nothing if you have to ask for it, but i was still hoping maybe he would. or he at least knew i really wasn't okay with it. he didnt apologize, and i dont think he responded at all, but honestly idr
i went to bed later that night and was just feeling so anxious about how i asked for an apology. i was afraid i had gotten too upset. especially because of the things he did after i had been drinking, and what happened with the snow.
i was feeling afraid that if he started to feel guilty he would want me to move out. im a depressed, unemployed loser with three pets. My chihuahua (my baby), my cat (who belonged to my mom who passed), and my lab (who i love dearly but he his a reactive, anxious mess)
i have nowhere to go
my rent here is cheap. i have my animals. in any scenario where i have to move, i can, at best, keep my chi and cat. i can't survive another apartment experience with my lab, even if i could somehow afford an apartment on my own
if i move in with my elderly great aunt/uncle, he would just be too big a risk of harming them by playing. especially as my uncle is experiencing dementia. not to mention their home is beautiful and he can be destructive. i dont want to think about what would happen to my lab if i cant keep him
my iud is expired. ive been putting off replacing it because of the pain, because im unemployed, because i dont have health insurance, because im not sexually active. but i had a brief moment of dread in "what if he got me pregnant when i was drinking." i know we didnt have sex, but my anxiety was starting to spiral
and then felt scared again that he would find living with me too difficult and he would want me to move
but he said "i won't put it down your shirt, ill put it up your shirt!" and he started rubbing the snow all over my stomach and chest
i just stopped laughing and i tried to not be angry or upset because i hate conflict and dont want to make him upset. i just kept repeating "i said not to put it down my shirt):" and he didnt say anything, or maybe he made the same joke about it going up my shirt, idr.
later, on the couch, honestly idr the exact context. but i think he asked me to get something and i was like "lol ill get it if you apologize for putting snow down my shirt when i asked you not to :D "
i know an apology means nothing if you have to ask for it, but i was still hoping maybe he would. or he at least knew i really wasn't okay with it. he didnt apologize, and i dont think he responded at all, but honestly idr
i went to bed later that night and was just feeling so anxious about how i asked for an apology. i was afraid i had gotten too upset. especially because of the things he did after i had been drinking, and what happened with the snow.
i was feeling afraid that if he started to feel guilty he would want me to move out. im a depressed, unemployed loser with three pets. My chihuahua (my baby), my cat (who belonged to my mom who passed), and my lab (who i love dearly but he his a reactive, anxious mess)
i have nowhere to go
my rent here is cheap. i have my animals. in any scenario where i have to move, i can, at best, keep my chi and cat. i can't survive another apartment experience with my lab, even if i could somehow afford an apartment on my own
if i move in with my elderly great aunt/uncle, he would just be too big a risk of harming them by playing. especially as my uncle is experiencing dementia. not to mention their home is beautiful and he can be destructive. i dont want to think about what would happen to my lab if i cant keep him
my iud is expired. ive been putting off replacing it because of the pain, because im unemployed, because i dont have health insurance, because im not sexually active. but i had a brief moment of dread in "what if he got me pregnant when i was drinking." i know we didnt have sex, but my anxiety was starting to spiral
and then felt scared again that he would find living with me too difficult and he would want me to move
