I need answers

I used to be top of the game once .. so many relationships so many girls , but one thing I used to avoid (sex) . Never had it, flirt kisses hugs going out. When girls used to ask me why not sex , I always use to say its something only for wife if things goes well and we get married so I am all yours.

In that hustle I eventually found one for married and I was all hers . Got three kids now and it's been 11 years in marriage ... But those years were good and rough too, mostly rough but I sticked to it . My thinking was always unique keeping family together rather then not accepting responsibilities and run away or cheat ..

A year back we had a fight and something changed in my heart , that fight also spread between two families mine and wife .. that sacred bond broken

Now I am not that young .. gotten bald headed as well with no hairs lol 😂 but I still know the game . I started flirting and ended up with 3 womens oh my my the most beautiful ones in 40 , even on Reddit and other social accounts, so the strange part is I couldn't do it . I mean I stopped after some conversations but even pushed them away and told them it's wrong .

I don't know why I stopped when my heart was really broken 💔 if you know the answer do comment . Why I pushed them away . Why that guilt talking to another women beside broken heart. Is that the difference between right or wrong or is it about guts that I don't have it to cheat .