He and I and I had a long talk last night, both of us sober
Apparently he never meant all those times he broke up with me in anger during arguments.
He said we've been through hell for the last 4 years, and that's true. Not just with our relationship, but external factors that neither of us could control as well. Deaths in both our families, job transitions, his daughter reaching the age where she doesn't want to spend all her time with her parents anymore (he's having a hard time with that), financial issues (this house has proven more expensive than we had estimated).
He said he loves me and never wanted to end our relationship, hence why he always came to me the next day and apologized and resumed affectionate behavior. I'm a logical person and I was raised to believe that apologies mean nothing if the behavior continues. I told him this. He acknowledged that I am correct and that he has a hard time controlling his impulsive thoughts and anger issues. He does have untreated mental disorders - bipolar type 1 and ADHD. I do feel that his outbursts are largely because of these.
He is also a functioning alcoholic. He admits this too. He has recently been making comments here and there about "maybe I should stop drinking". But that's easier said than done. I won't hold my breath.
He wants to stay together and continue our relationship. He is going to be moving to a house in a much nicer town within a couple of years, and he has asked me to move with him. I'm obviously hesitant because my name will not be on the paperwork for the house. That leaves me vulnerable. I'm aware of this, I'm not stupid, just because I have empathy for him. So I told him I will think about it and we will see how the next couple of years go.
My current plan is to continue saving up a nest egg so that if I do decide not to move with him, I can move into a place of my own when he goes. I am keeping him at arm's length for now, but I am open to trying to work on the relationship. I know people here will attack me for this because I have had a rough and rocky road with this guy. I'm grown. If it ends badly, that's on me and I will admit accountability. But if it works out, I will be glad I tried.
He said we've been through hell for the last 4 years, and that's true. Not just with our relationship, but external factors that neither of us could control as well. Deaths in both our families, job transitions, his daughter reaching the age where she doesn't want to spend all her time with her parents anymore (he's having a hard time with that), financial issues (this house has proven more expensive than we had estimated).
He said he loves me and never wanted to end our relationship, hence why he always came to me the next day and apologized and resumed affectionate behavior. I'm a logical person and I was raised to believe that apologies mean nothing if the behavior continues. I told him this. He acknowledged that I am correct and that he has a hard time controlling his impulsive thoughts and anger issues. He does have untreated mental disorders - bipolar type 1 and ADHD. I do feel that his outbursts are largely because of these.
He is also a functioning alcoholic. He admits this too. He has recently been making comments here and there about "maybe I should stop drinking". But that's easier said than done. I won't hold my breath.
He wants to stay together and continue our relationship. He is going to be moving to a house in a much nicer town within a couple of years, and he has asked me to move with him. I'm obviously hesitant because my name will not be on the paperwork for the house. That leaves me vulnerable. I'm aware of this, I'm not stupid, just because I have empathy for him. So I told him I will think about it and we will see how the next couple of years go.
My current plan is to continue saving up a nest egg so that if I do decide not to move with him, I can move into a place of my own when he goes. I am keeping him at arm's length for now, but I am open to trying to work on the relationship. I know people here will attack me for this because I have had a rough and rocky road with this guy. I'm grown. If it ends badly, that's on me and I will admit accountability. But if it works out, I will be glad I tried.
41-45, F
