Victim of Breadcrumbing

I have been with my boyfriend about 9 months, and he frequently makes plans and has to work through them. I have not met any of his family however he has met some of mine. He only messages when he feels the need...or desire. We have progressively moved from substantive discussions to purely superficial or sexual. I can finally see it. What I do I do now? I have deep feelings for this person, and just blocking him is difficult for me, especially since I am a people pleaser. Block with no closure? I'm completely confused, and my self esteem has been decimated. I feel stuck.

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carpediem · 61-69, M

This is an easy fix and you'll find clarity quickly. First, the next time he contacts you, take a couple hours to get back to him. You are unable to make whatever arrangements he's looking to make. "I'd love to, but I've already got plans" is your response. Nothing further. This is awful to say but it's true. The person who cares the least controls the relationship. You need to let him know through your actions that you are losing the connection. Don't say it, show it. You're busy. He'll wonder what's happening. You'll find out quickly where you stand. If you're seeing a different attitude, accept his next invitation but put limits on your available time.

Fallflower · 46-50, F

@carpediem I would say this is a very good way to operate in general!

carpediem · 61-69, M

@Fallflower Once trust is established, I prefer just open communication and no games. But based on her input it looks like this will enable her to separate the wheat from the chaff

Fallflower · 46-50, F

@carpediem agree.