Why is it a woman would not tell

It seems that there are quite a few men with the fantasy that they want to see their wives with other men. Now we know that this path may work sometimes, but it is littered with hurt feelings, bruised egos, broken relationships and divorces.

Now I am curious. It seems that sometimes the man is offering/pushing the idea, and the woman appears reticent. Why is it that some women will appear to "contemplate" the offer with no apparent agreement -- but they will be intimate with other men, sometimes one night stands, other times multi-year affairs; BUT not tell the husband/bf who brought the suggestion up.

What do you think - why is that, what are your thoughts on why they would go ahead and do it, but withhold it from the husband/bf?

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PatientlyWaiting25 · 46-50, F

Maybe she knows that if he did know, the fantasy would not match up with reality and there would be the inevitable hurt feelings and anxiety which she doesn't want to deal with. I think that kind of thing opens up a massive can of worms that could completely destabilise a marriage.

VeronicaJane

@PatientlyWaiting25 it certainly can destabilize a marriage or relationship. But if she thinks that the fantasy would not match up with reality and there would be the inevitable hurt feelings and anxiety, why do it? She may take it as tacit approval, but when he inevitably finds out, many men would not react favorably. My ex said "What you don't know, can't hurt you." But it is certainly a *itch when you eventually find out....