Help Needed!

I feel my partner and I have drifted apart and I'm wondering if there is anything more to it than that on her part. I have already drafted a list of things I want to ask but I want to do it in a way that I can get the honest answers.
I am going to pre warn her and ask if she is ready to talk and whatever her answers are I will still treat her the same and do the things for her that I had promised (such as her tax return which she doesn't like doing) in the hope that this allows her to be honest.
The things I'm asking so far are:
How does she see our relationship
Has she been with or dated anybody else (the obvious one)

Does anybody have any ideas of what else to include or how to ask a specific question?
I don't want to upset her as she is a good person even if it does turn out she has been doing things I don't like.

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OogieBoogie · F

Just my opinion....asking her if shes dated anyone else kinda implies that you think she may have been cheating....js🤷‍♀

Id try and keep the questions positive.

Id try and come at that youre worried that youre drifting apart. ...and ask her how she feels.

Be gentle.

Ask her if she feels she need more or what she might need to feel closer.

If you make the questions too abrupt, they might hurt her feelings and feel judged.

Maybe see a counselor for ideas.....or together?

Tell her your worries about wanting to be closer ....about your fears that you're drifting apart and that you love her and want to be what she needs and wants.

Tread softly.

GeniUs · 56-60, M

@OogieBoogie Good points but I'm kinda worried that after we stopped living together (about 4 years back) that I got the wrong idea and she sees us as just friends who help each other out now so she may be surprised that I think we're still an item (it suddenly seems really complicated). I have recently made the statement in conversation that I see us as partners but she didn't say anything, not a word the conversation didn't go anywhere from there.

OogieBoogie · F

@GeniUs oh .

Ummmm.

Well thats a completely different kettle of fish - i assumed you were together together, as in living together.

Not to be brutal man but.....
......she moved out....🤷‍♀

I think you might have to realize that if you two were an item - she wouldn't have done that 🤨

Moving out isnt a 'sign'....its a loud statement.
Its not a step closer - its a step further apart.

I feel this is going to be a hard conversation, but a needed one .😟

GeniUs · 56-60, M

@OogieBoogie Again it's not that straight forward, she brought a puppy into the house and as it grew up it started getting over protective of her so it started threatening me (for no real reason) and a decision had to be made, she loves her animals and wasn't about to give it up so she moved out.

OogieBoogie · F

@GeniUs okay.

Elisbch · M

@OogieBoogie & @GeniUs

I hate to say this but I not only agree with everything what @OogieBoogie has said, but from experience, this is usually the way it is when a woman moves out (regardless of the dog). She may be trying to let you down gently while still holding on to some of the perks that you provided ( tax returns, car Etc). She's probably hoping you'll catch on and it'll be an easy escape for her. Not knowing your partner, if you press her for answers, you may not like how or what she answers with. (imho).
Good luck but be prepared to see the door shut on you just in case.