I don't want to suffer any longer

Perhaps she thinks i will always be there, that im too scared to leave her be. She said she would change. Its been a a cycle of me getting frustrated with her, promises of changing, two days of her trying to do better only to end up doing the same... I dont see a change.

No matter how many times I say I care all she says is “i promise to do better”, but i dont see ANY BETTER.
she doesnt care much for my replies or my notifications. why has she become so non chalant with me? my days depend on how she treats me, I wake in the middle of the night cause the thoughts won't let me sleep, I hate her excuses upon excuses of why she is the way she is. But among all the excuses I never get the truth.

I never get the admiting part, that she simply doesn't care about me anymore. She will never understand how much anger it causes a person to have the love taken away so harshly without a reason, just because she decided so.

I struggle between loving and hating her. I don't want to hate her but what else should I feel?

I believe she's an anxious avoidant type without much empathy towards others. She can be super nice only when she wants to, but when she takes it away, she's the coldest person on the planet

Whats worse, I always come back to her, she got pretty used to it. Taking me for granted and why I stay? Because I really love her even if it makes me a fool. I know she feels nothing like she once did if all of it was even real.

I only hurt myself here. She doesn't care about my feelings and whatever I say or do can't change her.

I can't use any words to make her love again, I can't say any words that would hurt her because she simply doesn't care.

So all I have is writing here and wasting time.

I hope she knows because of her I will never open up to anyone else like I did with her.
She ruined my future relationships and trust in people