The great dilemma....I don't want to have children?

In this economy. I'm afraid I won't be able to give them the best when they deserve it. My boyfriend and I have had a severe disagreement on this. As much as I really love him, I think this will end things between us. I'm extremely depressed. I don't want to leave him. Yet it's been an extremely rocky week. Probably the worst one. I feel horrible. I handled it very poorly as well.

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mikecannon · 46-50, M

Have you ever told him before that you dont want kids at all? Because if you suddenly decided you dont want kids then its just unfair to him.

turningthekeys · 31-35, F

@mikecannon i discussed it before with him, and we decided that "one" would be doable...but now that I'm living on my own, I'm realizing that even one is a lot of time and money. I have no savings as of yet to say "yes, I'm ready for a child", . He called me materialistic for bringing money into this discussion. I just thought that's a mean thing to say.

mikecannon · 46-50, M

@turningthekeys but is it fair to him that you suddenly changed your mind?

turningthekeys · 31-35, F

@mikecannon it is not fair to him. But is it fair to a future child that we would have one without any savings or good planning?

mikecannon · 46-50, M

@turningthekeys then you can discuss that how can you both make it work instead of saying i dont want a child at all. Having a family or not is not a one sided decision. If its not something you could do then end it.

turningthekeys · 31-35, F

@mikecannon he's just very rigid about his false belief that maintain a whole ass human being is affordable. When both of us have zero assets and savings. When I straight up asked him to do a monthly rough math of how much an infant and then a toddler and then education would cost, to make him realize it's not a joke, and that inflation is real, he didn't take it very well, and called me materialistic. He thinks we can raise a child without any savings beforehand....how does that work? What if our child falls ill? We don't have the kind of money to pay for a hospital bill or for a surgery. No emergency funds. No assets invested in. Is it wise to plan a child BEFORE working out finances? How can my own partner shame me for worrying about the bills? Does that make me materialistic or a gold digger? Because in the same context of affording a child, he suggested I "marry a millionaire to make my dreams come true of giving a child a perfect life."

mikecannon · 46-50, M

@turningthekeys its not for the internet to decide. My advice is to discuss with him and if you think its not something you can do then end the relationship. Because no one can give you a sound advice over a one sided story.

turningthekeys · 31-35, F

@mikecannon that's also true.