Upset
Only logged in members can reply and interact with the post.
Join SimilarWorlds for FREE »

Is it normal to insist not telling someone your story until you meet ?

The man I am talking to right now is telling me that he needs to see me in person in order to tell me «everything» because doing this on social media is not very « convenient»
The thing is, yesterday I discovered that he was married and he has two children from his previous marriage. Plus he is a man who moves a lot so he is willing to live in Japan next years for professional reasons.
It’s been exactly 11 days that we are calling each other, talking… I told him everything about my life and my past but he never waited a minute telling me. All what he have been saying: I need to see you face to face in order to tell you all about it.
But I said everything on the phone? Why is that make it any different ?
I accidentally discovered all theses informations about his previous life and I was shocked! Why didn’t I ask him before? I feel stupid because I am now on a stage where I started to have real feelings and we started talking about the house and kids.. he says that we will get married before going “to live in Japan”
I am thinking about ending all this crap because my head is burning so bad and I need energy to put it somewhere else!
This page is a permanent link to the reply below and its nested replies. See all post replies »
RedGrizzly · 26-30, F
That's a huge red flag.
1). He's still married and has a family already. Think what you want, but the unforseen consequences are that the both of you will definitely complicate your lives. If the wife files for divorce on infidelity, obviously child support will be brought up. It'll hurt financially and then having to deal with co-parenting and ex wife drama.
2). He's already proven to be unfaithful. He's talking to you on the premise for an intimate relationship while he's obligated to his family. So what's to say, he leaves his family, has fun with you, but decides he wants someone or something more?
3). 11 days in and he's wanting to meet, talk about a future with you, wants YOU to follow him around across the world stripping you of the life you built and cutting you away from your lifeline (family and friends). It's about him, so it's not 50/50 here.
4). It could be just a preference that he wants to talk face to face than over text. He could be an old school guy, sure...but from what you revealed about him, he lied to you about his relationship status by omission...which seems to be his tactic to remain a mystery to you considering the way you both talk through the phone. You spilling everything about you, and he just doesn't reciprocate that. Most likely, as someone else pointed out, he's a great manipulator in person and will play on your feelings with him. Texting limits people on how they present themselves.
5). It's only 11 days in. To my knowledge, just an assumption, is that you met him 7 years ago. A lot could have changed during those years so obviously based on the other reasons I gave, you don't know him as well as you think you do. So, think of him as a stranger. If you had an interest in someone you just met, reasonably you wouldn't follow their every whim, especially over life changing decisions. 11 days isn't long enough. To me, it's like he's speed running through this to have a change of pace for whatever reason that has nothing to do with you but more so about his family. It could be anything from, I'm in an unhappy marriage and want to live out my fantasies to I'm having some sort of mid-life crisis and need a change of pace.

All of those things, you do not want to meddle in. Just keep living your life, keep being successful, and the right guy may find you. I guarantee you, the right man wouldn't ask so much of you in a deceptive way. You sound like you've made up your mind about this whole fling, so I hope this helps you keep your confidence in doing what's best for you.