How can I get over someone I don't know?

Five years ago I was in Barnes and Noble and this girl smiled at me. I have pictured scenarios where I'm with a girl my age, I don't know this girl's age and I don't know anything about her at all. I want to get past fantasizing about her and get on with life. I wouldn't mind being with someone that is in my age range. I just don't want to get my hopes up for the lady in B&N.

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TinyViolins · 31-35, M

The only way to conquer a memory is to surround it with more memories.

The reason people keep replaying past events is because it is triggered by an underlying emotion. Maybe fear causes us to relive past traumas. Sadness causes us to dwell on our shortcomings. Anger makes us remember many other grievances.

What you're doing is a coping mechanism. Creating a comforting fantasy to deal with uncomfortable emotions. Getting to understand those emotions better, and to learn how to deal with them, is important.

We're all going to feel negatively from time to time, but rather than running to our defense mechanisms, it'll be useful to confront those feelings, to find out where they come from, and to understand that there are healthier ways of addressing them.

SW-User

Move on. She almost certainly would not remember you if she saw you again. It is absolutely NOT worth fantasising about.

Sorry.

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