Can an adult explain please?

My ex and I started casually have sex in 2016 off and on but I never wanted to make it official, my ex did, then we dated in 2021 but broke up in 2023 because of cheating. Despite multiple betrayals by my ex, we got engaged briefly but it didn't work out. Now, despite trying to move on, I still find myself in love with my ex and wanting to be friends. I wonder why I can't let go, even though I've tried. I’ve been emotionally and mentally abused. I’m also guilty of betrayal but not compared to how I was cheated on and betrayed. I was cheated on 20+ times. 😔 I wouldn’t mind being physically abused that’s how attached I am… I’m not sure why and I hate it because we spoke today and it was my idea to be friends. And now I want to drink…

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SW-User

Story time -

My gf i dated when i was 18-24 ; on and off. I was crazy about her , and she was crazy about me (though i think it was the sex). Anyway, sex with her was insane.

We used to work together as bank tellers. We dated for quite sometime, and had alot of casual sex before we were official... eventually we got into some argument over issues with her ex and we broke it off.

A year or so later i ran into her and we hooked up again.. she had a bf who she swore she was going to break up with but never did.. but i started to date her since she was adament about it.

I later found out she was sleeping with a few others so i cut it off and left her.

I tried being friends with her, but all it did was make things worse. It wasn't until i decided to fully be done with her that i was able to move on with my life...

Yet to this day, i still find myself thinking of her.. and its ultimately because of how she made me feel safe, wanted, loved, and all the great sex.

Point is.. i dont you will ever get over him.. but you need to draw the line that youre done with him and ready to move on for youre own well being. You being friends with him is just you hoping something is going to change and you have a fear of missing out on him changing.. when he really isnt...

Focus on your own growth and developement.. and find someone that's good for your emotional and mental health. Someone that will treat you with respect while also complementing your sexual drive.

Best of luck.