Well that was exciting ... but ... 😢

Okay, so I'm not sure what you did over the weekend, but spent most of it with my girlfriend and she provided for me a new experience. Unfortunately, the end of the weekend was not so cool ... we had a big blowout fight despite having an amazing weekend. 🤦‍♀️

Let me start at the beginning...

I flew home Friday night / Saturday morning on a red-eye flight. Normally I can sleep well on planes so this isn't typically a problem. This time, however, I got less than an hour of sleep which really messed up my adjusting to the time zone change. SO I arrived home tired and cranky. She arrived at my place shortly after and immediately noticed my condition and pulled out some blankets for us to snuggle on my couch (she knows I would refuse to go to bed during the day - I just don't do this). We woke up a few times during this extended daytime nap and wore ourselves out again only to fall back asleep. It was a nice welcome home! ;)

We went out to a nice quiet dinner. We talked about going dancing, but given the plans for Sunday it was jointly decided that we would get a good night's rest. Sunday's plan, entirely assembled by her for me as a no-occasion gift, was to rent two motorcycles and go for a ride. We decided to ride south through Providence (where we both attended university) and around Narragansett Bay (see map below).

[quote][center]Approximate reconstruction of our
route from Foxboro down through
Providence and the West Bay
shoreline to Fort Wetherill State
Park and then up the East Bay
shore and back to Foxboro.[/center][/quote]

The bike I road was ideal for me! As many of you know, I'm on the smaller side being only 5'1.5" tall (156cm). My girlfriend let the dealer know this and they had a bike picked out for me. I had never heard of the brand, but it was from "Indian Motorcycles" and was a Scout model. I'm told that if you know motorcycles (I don't) then those names would mean something to you. All I can say is that it fit me and my short legs perfectly and road soooo comfortably.

After an hour of training and testing at the dealer's lot we were free to head into the wind. And head into the wind we did. As you can see from the map we had many stretches along the shoreline. What an amazing experience this was! I've had a few but very few experiences on motorcycles in my life and this daylong excursion riding freely into the wind was incredible. Despite taking it very easy as two beginners, it was still an adrenaline rush and those of you who know me, know that I'm an adrenaline junkie. So huge gf-points to Alex for arranging this for me.

So what happened at the end?? What caused the blowout fight I mentioned? Ugh ...

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Over the last few weeks and months there's been a few points of "irritation" in our otherwise blissful relationship. She wants to move things along by moving in together; I'm less enthusiastic about sharing my space. She wants me to pull back from my career which requires a ton of travel and can, at times, be less than perfectly safe; and I feel I am at a place that I have worked very hard for ten years to get to. These points of friction hit a peak when I was hurt back in early March.

Fast forward to this perfect weekend of bliss and after our ride as we were driving back home she made a comment about the fact that I can fulfill my adrenaline needs here at home. I don't need to travel off to crazy places to get my fix.

I got quiet. Thought it through. So she arranged this whole day, this amazing day together, just to show me that I don't need a crazy job to get my adrenaline fix??? She evidently thought I do what I do just for the rush??? I was steaming inside. She was asking what was wrong? Why did I get quiet? What did she say? Ugh. Anyway, the second half of our hour ride back to her car was spent arguing. She got in her car quite upset and drove home. I haven't spoken to her yet today. So no idea where we stand at the moment.

[sep][sep][sep]

A big part of me thinks she would be better off if we did end up breaking up at this point. Don't get me wrong, I do love her deeply and I know she loves me as well. But sometimes, when two people see life differently, love is actually not enough. I know that I can't give her the future that I know she wants and craves. Would she settle for me? Probably. Actually she has been settling over the past year for what I have to offer in a relationship. But this isn't fair to her. So, idk, a lot going on in my head right now. This is just an update for all of you. 😔