Upset
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He wouldn't hold my hand in public

I know my partner has cheated on me in the past and I don't know for positive - yet - that he's still cheating.
Yesterday we went to the feed store in small neighboring town for electric fence supplies. When we came out of the store we decided to go to the bar across the road to play video poker. As we headed that way I grabbed his hand because it's what we sometimes do. My hand slipped from his and I went to grab it again assuming he had to adjust something and expected his hand to return to mine. (I never thought about a basic behavior like this until now.) This time though he made an obvious point of shaking my hand out of his and then said that it felt weird doing it in a small town like this. (We come from a small town).
Yeah I was angry and very hurt and still am.
Later I was able to tell him why I was angry and he said that as we walked up to the bar he all of a sudden got a feeling of something weird like danger and something wasn't right about that place.
I say he didn't want certain people in that town to see him with me, his wife.
Fck him. This was the last straw. I'm moving into the spare bedroom and downloaded court motion for divorce. If he won't touch me and acknowledge me in public (or only certain towns) then he sure as hell can't touch me in private.
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@morrgin But talk with a legal professional; I bet he already has gone / made arrangements to go see a lawyer.

You gave away part of your possible plan. If he has already used you, this is next!
morrgin · F
@SomeMichGuy he knows from watching his dad that sometimes women leave and take everything with them. He believes there is no way to fight it or defend against it. He's never really figured out they were hurt and left for a reason - his dad's cheating
@morrgin If you didn't know he was cheating, perhaps your model of other aspects of his life might be flawed.

Just be very careful, ok?
Elisbch · M
I disagree with once a cheater always a cheater. I have witnessed that that doesn't have to be so. It takes a lot of hard work and admitting mistakes on both sides for the relationship to heal and a total willingness to do what ever it takes to make it work.
morrgin · F
@Elisbch I know he loves me very much and deeply, he just doesn't know how to do it right.
Elisbch · M
@morrgin.. that's very frustrating and probably hurtful too. Only you know, but to me, cheating isn't telling a partner they love them...(sorry) I don't think you'll ever treat easy not knowing if he's being faithful. Therapy comes to mind but I also know that's expensive and both partners need to be willing. I hope your can see your way thru this without getting hurt. 🙏🏻
looping · 18-21
once a cheater, always a cheater.
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morrgin · F
@whowasthatmaskedman we show people how to treat us. I'm only now learning about how to be assertive, set boundaries, and more recently - responding and not reacting
whowasthatmaskedman · 70-79, M
@morrgin Sadly thats close to the truth. I am tempted to say that woman tend to be lousy at picking men. But I know thats not always the case and also that men are equally lousy at choosing women..Maybe if we met as people first it might work out better. But I cant be sure.😷
Starcrossed · 41-45, F
I'm sorry. That must have hurt a lot. 🥺
Elisbch · M
All my life, I've always enjoyed holding hands when I was with my gal. To me that sounds odd for an excuse but I don't know him. Gut instincts usually aren't wrong as long as they're not fueled by paranoia. These are gut wrenching feelings to have to deal with.
whowasthatmaskedman · 70-79, M
Something is wrong there.. Fifty years on we still hold hands out in public. Its just togetherness. Not doing it signifies something wrong between us, even though now there is a physical support element in it..😷
Blondily · F
Yeah I find that suspicious too. Obviously he didn't want any women in the bar to see him with you.
As for cheating, time for you to move on. Then after you get a divorce go to the same bar with your new bf holding hands.😌
no they will always find something better yet never change
morrgin · F
@Kitsunex Even happy people cheat, even people in open relationships cheat, and yes some do it because they think they're getting something better and sometimes they actually do. So many things I've believed are one way or the other way with nothing in between
@morrgin tale between their legs when it's simply the truth
Cheaters, like bullies, are fueled by power, and drawn to risk. This kind of behavior, however, is a reflection of something deeply rooted inside of them. "In truth," Wish told INSIDER, " [cheaters] are deeply insecure people who feel flawed, unloved, angry, and, ironically, robbed of something that they needed emotionally in life as a child."
morrgin · F
@Kitsunex his mother abandoned him in the hospital, and he was mostly raised by his grandmother who had a bully husband. His own dad was an alcoholic, logger, and did his best but cheated on his wives with all the gaslighting to them that came with it. He was with his dad when his dad and uncle were attacked by a few people over a complicated small logging town relationship drama dispute that had gotten out of hand. And his dad was stabbed with a knife in his side. He was about 10 or 12 years old but drove his dad to the hospital. His dad lived thanks to his thick jacket that stopped the knife from going deeper. After that the people that had attacked his family decided to harass, threaten, and stalk him. They even held a gun to his head. Eventually he didn't care if he lived or died and I believe this is part of how he became a bully himself. He kept all of it to himself. He's only now getting help with his PTSD and the schizophrenic type symptoms that are a part of it. Life can be so complicated sometimes.
deadgerbil · 22-25
I would dump someone if they decided to cheat, not stick around and endure the rest of their bs
Kirin4OTK · 70-79, M
I'm just curious -- why such an unpleasant profile pic?
morrgin · F
@Kirin4OTK lol I liked the filter and maybe I don't care about appearance as much as I used to. I really don't anymore at least not my own
DanteD · 51-55, M
He won't do the basic PDA, he's off. seek help for him.
Mardrae · F
I don't blame you at all
jenmil · 22-25, F
uncalled4 · 56-60, M
Everyone has a last straw, it hurts, sorry this is happening.
Workerbee · 31-35, M
Lemme ask you this: why forgive him if he cheated on you??
morrgin · F
@Workerbee Because sometimes it can be overcome and an even better relationship comes out of it. I won't forgive him for it. I can move on from it, but he would have to do his part in order for me to do that. At this point I don't think he even sees a problem
Workerbee · 31-35, M
@morrgin I don’t think so, how do you know he won’t cheat on you again? Don’t you think you deserve better? That couldn’t be me.
morrgin · F
@Workerbee how do I know he won't ? How do I know he isn't planning it right now, it's part of excitement for cheaters, the planning and secrecy. I dont
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morrgin · F
@beermeplease i will always give it another shot , until I dont
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