So... we (AJ and I) have had some ups and downs during this adjustment period. The start of our relationship was hot and heavy, and I think he was just looking out for me in slowing that down. During that period, I took his physical distance as a sign that he was losing interest in me. He had also gotten sick several times in a row (it is that time of year, afterall) and we haven't been able to hangout as much as I would've liked.
I never thought that he was using sickness as an excuse for time away from me or seeing another girl or anything like that. I was just feeling the pain of being away from him when something so beautiful was blossoming.
About a week ago, I might have taken the pain from my last relationship (ND) and placed it on him. ND and I had dated on and off for 4 years, and despite him being very well off financially, he never took me anywhere. I think we went on 3 dates the entire time we were together. I don't count clubbing or going to a bar late at night a date... I mean like intentional "I'm trying to romance you" kind of dating. Anyways, I looked back on a lot of that relationship. How much I gave. How much he took. How much he didn't reciprocate... but I was just so happy to have his time, that felt like enough.
Well, as I healed from that relationship, I fell into the bad side of 'dating advice' Youtube, and it basically gives a lot of tips for women to keep a guy, to know if they like you or not, or if you're appreciated/respected... I have never been big on recieving material things, but most of the videos made it seem like a guy has to want to take you out and buy you things, otherwise that means he doesn't care and he's using you.
This made me start to re-evaluate my current relationship with AJ. Although he's doing all the things I could ever want. Endless cuddling on the couch, introducing me to his family, talking with me on the phone for like 2 hours before we both fall asleep... a crazy Youtube demon of doubt had sprouted in my head and it started to make me wonder... 'Did he really like me like I liked him, or was he just passing time?' 'Does he need to be taking me out more or buying me something to show his investment and seriousness towards me?'
My pain from the last relationship was beginning to ooze into this one, and I didn't want to be played again. So I brought up this need to go on more romantic dates with him. He is very casual, so he was like 'How does froyo sound?' I was like 'That's not romantic!' Lol.
We went around and around like this for a week maybe, and I think my bew expectations were beginning to stress him out. He was also still sick on top of all of this.
During a night of insecurity, I told him that I think we should end the relationship. I was afraid of being used again... but that's not what I told him. I told him that I didn't feel like my needs were being met. He got very sad, which I didnt expect. And said, if that's what I want, he'll respect it. He told me that he was never planning on giving up on me and that he was 99% of the way to saying 'I love you.'
I told him that was the problem... he is always "99% of the way." and that I needed him to be all in, because I was all in.
Even though we hadn't mended things, we stayed on the phone together for 4 hours as we talked back and forth about needs and how to make things work, and broken trust because of me saying I wanted to end the relationship, etc. He told me that he wasn't going to end the phone call first, and I told him I wasn't either. We ended up falling asleep on the phone together.
The next morning I apologized for keeping him so long on the phone and that he doesnt deserve all of that stress, he deserves balance and peace. This is how he responded:
