Sad
Only logged in members can reply and interact with the post.
Join SimilarWorlds for FREE »

Would you feel hurt or no?

A concert of someone my husband and I have listened to since we were teenagers, was happening in our city. We didn’t think we’d be able to afford to go, so we didn’t buy tickets. Then, last minute, we realized that we could go. So we bought tickets and were SO excited to go. It’s all we’ve been talking about…

Anyways, two weeks before the concert I’m busting my ass working (so is he) but I happen to have other stuff going on too outside of work like extra appointments, a bachelorette for my cousin, etc. So I’ve been running on empty and feeling extra exhausted. I end up getting a horrible cold the day before the concert. Mind you I’ve been working two jobs..The night before the concert, my husband goes out with his friends and comes home and admits to me that he “almost lost $150 from gambling on a bet” and how the “universe stopped him from spending/losing” and “it was a close call” because we can’t afford to lose $150. I didn’t make a big deal out of it because he didn’t lose the money, but I thought to myself “that’s irresponsible for someone who is already tight on money.”

So on the day of the concert, my husband takes one look at me and goes “you don’t look well at all” (I wasn’t) and he goes “I better sell your ticket asap” “We NEED that money”

Is it wild of me to be extremely hurt and jealous about this? It’s not fair how i had to miss something I was so excited for and have been looking forward to, and this was supposed to be our outing together for the fall since we didn’t do much in the summer besides work and family stuff. And he replaced me with a friend to go to the concert to without hesitation. He didn’t even seem that upset that I wouldn’t be able to make it…I obviously didn’t really expect him to stay home with me while I’m sick, because he never has done that for me anyways, but….it’s how quickly he found a backup plan. He didn’t even prod me to see if maybe I would feel well enough to end up going. I can’t stop thinking about this.
This page is a permanent link to the reply below and its nested replies. See all post replies »
Luckylu · 61-69, F
There obviously is more here than what you are telling us because this came out in a comment to a comment:

I told him to give me 15 minutes and that I’d let him know after I took Tylenol cold, how I felt. But because he was snippety to me about the money thing, and needing to sell it ASAP, (even though I was contributing to the ticket lol), I just ended up telling him “you know what? you just do what you want to do”.

My guess is there are past experiences with him that you have suppressed which are now rising to the surface because of this situation triggering them.

Regardless, in this single situation you should have stood your ground and insisted he wait to see if the medication helped. Instead you told him to do what he wanted so you can’t blame him for him doing exactly what you told him to do.

It is apparently clear you have seen this behaviour in him before. Your choice is to either accept him as he is or get out. You cannot change him. If he has shown you a lack of empathy and you continue to be with him, don’t expect him to suddenly change and be the person you want him to be. You will just end up disappointing yourself.

People only change when they see something about themselves they don’t like. You pointing out what you don’t like won’t change him, it will just cause a rift.

Did you accept this behaviour when you began a relationship with him? If so, you need to learn to accept him as he is or move on. It never works when someone tries to change to make someone else happy if they don’t want to change for themselves.
1dayiWILLbRICH0 · 31-35, F
@Luckylu You’re not wrong about there being an underlying and reoccurring issue. The fact that he willingly almost gambled and lost the same amount of money the night before with friends, and then made it seem like money was the #1 issue when I was trying to make my decision, also really hurt. I should’ve been more vocal about how I would’ve still probably forced myself to go, but ultimately I have to deal with the reality that he is unaffected and and his life and plans go on with or without me, with no emotion being felt on his end. And I need to decide if I’m willing to potentially have this feeling over and over again.

Clearly, I’m on this post with my feelings all hurt, so I apparently have my answer, which is no. Lol