Would you feel hurt or no?

A concert of someone my husband and I have listened to since we were teenagers, was happening in our city. We didn’t think we’d be able to afford to go, so we didn’t buy tickets. Then, last minute, we realized that we could go. So we bought tickets and were SO excited to go. It’s all we’ve been talking about…

Anyways, two weeks before the concert I’m busting my ass working (so is he) but I happen to have other stuff going on too outside of work like extra appointments, a bachelorette for my cousin, etc. So I’ve been running on empty and feeling extra exhausted. I end up getting a horrible cold the day before the concert. Mind you I’ve been working two jobs..The night before the concert, my husband goes out with his friends and comes home and admits to me that he “almost lost $150 from gambling on a bet” and how the “universe stopped him from spending/losing” and “it was a close call” because we can’t afford to lose $150. I didn’t make a big deal out of it because he didn’t lose the money, but I thought to myself “that’s irresponsible for someone who is already tight on money.”

So on the day of the concert, my husband takes one look at me and goes “you don’t look well at all” (I wasn’t) and he goes “I better sell your ticket asap” “We NEED that money”

Is it wild of me to be extremely hurt and jealous about this? It’s not fair how i had to miss something I was so excited for and have been looking forward to, and this was supposed to be our outing together for the fall since we didn’t do much in the summer besides work and family stuff. And he replaced me with a friend to go to the concert to without hesitation. He didn’t even seem that upset that I wouldn’t be able to make it…I obviously didn’t really expect him to stay home with me while I’m sick, because he never has done that for me anyways, but….it’s how quickly he found a backup plan. He didn’t even prod me to see if maybe I would feel well enough to end up going. I can’t stop thinking about this.

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WhateverWorks · 36-40

I get feeling disappointed and jealous you got sick while he didn’t. Those seem like natural feelings. Me personally? I think it’s important in a relationship for people to still do things on their own, not just with their partner. I would’ve told my partner to go without me and take a friend. Sucks missing out, but I wouldn’t want them to miss out because I had to rest. We’ll go do something together some other time.

1dayiWILLbRICH0 · 31-35, F

@WhateverWorks I still wanted him to go! I just wanted him to act like he was more sad that I couldn’t, knowing how much I also wanted to be there.

HootyTheNightOwl

@WhateverWorks It wouldn't have hurt him to check in with his wife before reaching a decision, though. After all, she is the one who is sick in this.

I have a condition which fluctuates and I wouldn't appreciate my man making that decision for me without at least asking "Hey, are you sure you're up to attending this concert" beforehand. Sometimes, I will want to dig really deep and sacrifice a few weeks of my life just to do something I've looked forward to (my condition isn't contagious, so I can't make others sick with it by doing so).

WhateverWorks · 36-40

@HootyTheNightOwl he didn’t sell it without her permission though. He opened a conversation with her by stating the assumption they should sell it. It’s not like she couldn’t have disagreed if she wanted to keep it for some unknown reason. He didn’t assess the situation incorrectly by prematurely assuming she was too sick to go. She’s (from what she explained ) upset because he wasn’t sadder she’s not able to go with him. I’m guessing it relates to a bigger issue going on for them than just this concert, but I’m not going to pry in to her personal life with a, “I see where you’re coming from, but what have you been really upset about?”.

1dayiWILLbRICH0 · 31-35, F

@WhateverWorks it absolutely relates to a bigger issue, even though I’m also legitimately sad I missed out on something I’ve been looking forward to

HootyTheNightOwl

@WhateverWorks Directly jumping in with an assumption isn't the right approach, though - it doesn't matter if you're right or wrong - it wouldn't hurt to take your lead from the person who is suffering... for no other reason that you're showing that you care and you value their opinion on what steps you should be taking.

The ticket was OP's and the final decision should have been hers to take, even if she ultimately agreed with her husband's assessment of the situation. Only children need to have decisions made on their behalf.

WhateverWorks · 36-40

@HootyTheNightOwl 🤷🏻‍♀️ The final decision was hers to make. All he did was state his observation and an idea of what they should do. He didn’t sell the ticket without talking to her first.

I don’t know… in my relationship just because my partner opens up with an observation and proposed course of action based on that, isn’t him telling me what to do, or making the decision for me. It’s not necessary to prime me for the needed convo. It’s probably one of those ‘different relationships have different dynamics/communication styles’ though. Maybe in their relationship there’s an Unaddressed pattern not disclosed in the OP where when he makes a statement the decision is essentially made regardless of her input, not a dialogue about the matter at hand.

Like I said before, I don’t have any intentions of fishing for more information from the OP. She asked “Would you feel hurt or no?” and I explained why I personally wouldn’t be hurt by such an isolated incident —- unless it’s not isolated, but that’s none of my business to pry into lol...