When we first started dating he wouldn’t hide his phone.

When my bf and I first started dating we were open wouldn’t hide anything, would both use each others phones to play games or change music, knew the passwords and it was just open and nothing to hide. He cheated on me locked his phone wouldn’t let me go near it within 10 feet, and freaks out if I touch it. We broke up after he cheated but remained friends. What he did like trying to hide it from me and not just being honest with me still bothers me. We still hangout and see each other sometimes even though we’re not Dating. It bothers me that he hides his phone from me though as our relationship wasn’t based on hiding the phone, it was all open. Should I bring it up to him and ask him if we can be open with our phones? He’s mentioned he now feels like it’s an invasion of privacy. Should I just move on or see if he’s open to things being how they once were? How would I ask him about it or bring it up?

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Northwest · M

If you're not together, why do you feel the need to go through his phone? You should move on, and by that I mean stop seeing him.

Fifidog · 26-30, F

@Northwest But if we were to get back together hypothetically should I have a right to the phone or not?

Northwest · M

@Fifidog Why would you want to go back to someone who cheated on you?

Setting that aside, once trust is broken, you need a plan to rebuild it, and the two of you need to agree on what that means. If it means have total access to his phone, then it's part of the deal. It's no longer about invasion of privacy, it's about rebuilding the trust.

And as long as you still feel you need to reach for his phone, the two of you should not be together.

Fifidog · 26-30, F

@Northwest yeah that’s true I don’t think he’s the one for me even though it crosses my mind sometimes I know it’s not in my best interest. He cheated on me online twice telling the girls he likes them and wants them to be his girlfriend and all that stuff. What if he doesn’t think he needs to provide phone transparency to rebuild the trust?

Northwest · M

@Fifidog It's not really about what he wants, it's about what you need to start trusting him. Transparency is key in these situations, and "privacy" is no longer an option.

I'm going to say something controversial here, but some people need multiple people in their lives, to feel fulfilled. This is an invitation to cheat, just a public service announcement, so you can figure out what you want, and what a potential partner may be able to offer.