Cell phones trigger relationship anxiety
My ex cheated on me and I found out my checking his phone. He told me he cheated because I wasn’t physically fulfilling him. He wanted me to have physical intimacy with him and fall asleep with him but I fall asleep early because I have an early work day and go to bed around 8 or 9pm, whereas he prefers talking on the phone until 3 or 4am and then going to bed. This wouldn’t agree with my cercadian rhythm and I told him if he wanted to fall asleep with me to come to bed at 8pm and he said he’s not gonna do that cause he’s not a prisoner. I don’t think this is a reason to cheat but I understand where he was coming from because he wasn’t making me feel special or loved or desired so I felt as if I couldn’t give myself to him physically because his wandering eyes were everywhere and not set on me. His brother ended up telling him to change his phone passcode so I would not know when he is cheating on me and that’s the day I broke up with him. Fast forward 3 months, and I met this new guy who seems to be respectful. I have been on 3 dates with him so far. So I sometimes wonder if the new guy has something to hide, even though he hasn’t done anything, I don’t trust him (maybe cause I haven’t known him for too long or because of my past). When I see the new guys phone I gulp in my throat a little. Also, I still see my ex at times because he is slowly paying me back some money he owes me, however whenever I see him and I see his phone I get teary and cry a little and feel nauseous and as if I’m loosing control. I’d like advice if anyone else has experience this feeling in a relationship with a certain object. For me, every time I see a cell phone, especially my exes, I feel as if people are hiding things from me or don’t love me or something. Then, I feel as if I’m reliving the feeling I felt when the cheating first happened. Is this some sort of ptsd or trauma that I need to work through or is this normal? Please give me advice on what direction to go in. Thank you in advance.
