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Cell phones trigger relationship anxiety

My ex cheated on me and I found out my checking his phone. He told me he cheated because I wasn’t physically fulfilling him. He wanted me to have physical intimacy with him and fall asleep with him but I fall asleep early because I have an early work day and go to bed around 8 or 9pm, whereas he prefers talking on the phone until 3 or 4am and then going to bed. This wouldn’t agree with my cercadian rhythm and I told him if he wanted to fall asleep with me to come to bed at 8pm and he said he’s not gonna do that cause he’s not a prisoner. I don’t think this is a reason to cheat but I understand where he was coming from because he wasn’t making me feel special or loved or desired so I felt as if I couldn’t give myself to him physically because his wandering eyes were everywhere and not set on me. His brother ended up telling him to change his phone passcode so I would not know when he is cheating on me and that’s the day I broke up with him. Fast forward 3 months, and I met this new guy who seems to be respectful. I have been on 3 dates with him so far. So I sometimes wonder if the new guy has something to hide, even though he hasn’t done anything, I don’t trust him (maybe cause I haven’t known him for too long or because of my past). When I see the new guys phone I gulp in my throat a little. Also, I still see my ex at times because he is slowly paying me back some money he owes me, however whenever I see him and I see his phone I get teary and cry a little and feel nauseous and as if I’m loosing control. I’d like advice if anyone else has experience this feeling in a relationship with a certain object. For me, every time I see a cell phone, especially my exes, I feel as if people are hiding things from me or don’t love me or something. Then, I feel as if I’m reliving the feeling I felt when the cheating first happened. Is this some sort of ptsd or trauma that I need to work through or is this normal? Please give me advice on what direction to go in. Thank you in advance.
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TheeRoyalBee · 31-35, F
You need some time to heal. 3 months is not enough. It’s really messed up nowadays but you should come in a relationship with a clear mind, heart, and body. With relationships you have to take your time and get to know someone.especially more than ever before. Cheating has always existed but not on this level (social media/dating sites, apps that hide apps). Know him very well before sleeping with them.that really should be the very last step.

Right now, if you guys are together you have a lot of your self to seriously work on. Communication is key.
Fifidog · 26-30, F
@TheeRoyalBee right now we’re going on dates to get to know each other but are not official. I’m worried he’ll ask me to be his girlfriend soon because I feel as if he’s moving fast (texting me every other day and calling me throughout the week and wanting to meet up every weekend). First question , How can I get to know him well? Second question, what can I do about these feeling I get when I see the cell phone, how do I work through that? Third question, how much time would you say I’d need?
DisarrayedNightshade · 36-40, F
@TheeRoyalBee I agree 💯 @Fifidog please take both of your advice into consideration
TheeRoyalBee · 31-35, F
@Fifidog perfect, it’s not official, just enjoy being his friend. Hang out, have a good time bowling and dating. Ask a million questions because you don’t know much about this guy. His interest, hobbies, dream job/vacation, last relationship, parents, culture, foods, embarrassing moments, pets, where has he traveled.

I think it’s nice that he does that (calling to check on you, wants to see you 1/week…,) sure he's interested. Compared to the fools out here…. lol.

About your feelings- you have to understand everyone is different. And he is not your ex. You need that time by yourself to heal over that. To have some quiet time and go over your feelings and make sense of it. Mentally think about somethings.

At this point he is just a friend. I look at it like going out with a girl friend. Would you care if your girl friend’s phone was ringing and she was texting? (Definitely a question)

If you date him anytime soon, have a talk with him about your feelings, say you really like him but you are working on some personal things. You can choose to tell him or ask for more time to tell him. - you can still date officially just tell him you need to go at a slow pace.

How much time you need- it varies no one has a set time. It’s how you feel and when you feel you can give someone a clean fair slate.
TheeRoyalBee · 31-35, F
@DisarrayedNightshade I was just reading your advice, yes self love very important Yes 100%