Why do women have Casual hook ups,Is there more to it than Sex?
I happened across this question earlier,and felt qualified to respond.
Especially so .. because from becoming a sexually active teen to a woman aged 54 who had been married and divorced twice over "hooking up" was an option I had never seriously considered or viewed as an entertainment.
Aged teens - 20's my observations were that my female friends who hooked up each of them seriously lacked self esteem, many had been sexualised in childhood and felt that having sex with a young or an older man.
Somehow satisfied a need for attention from a male , seeing this attention in a psychologically skewed way has them being somehow " special to said male ..even if the male in question was a stranger, there very likely were aspirations of the said male becoming a boyfriend and the scenario ending positively..for her.
This scenario never played out for me , I wasn't raised with a Man in my family home. So I wasn't comfortable being around males , coupled with the fact after primary school.
I attended single female schools. Until I reached puberty Men to me may as well have been Aliens. I didn't feel at home in their presence and saw no cause or reason to seek their attention.
Obviously puberty happened and when it did like my peers who were starting to date , I decided then ..at that time I would like a boyfriend too. But only one ..one seemed like plenty enough for me 🙂 💖🙂
Since that time until my 50's I went on to have three happy long term marriages. So never had a need for one night stands.
ONLINE DATING
@ 54 two years after my divorce when I began considering male companionship again. I found myself in a new and different world from the 90's called social media & on line dating, my goodness what a revelation.
My first encounter was with men of my own age and it was all very nice. Met a nice guy and had no problems. We seemed to effortlessly fall into a lovely relationship which lasted a few years.
HOOK UPS
Personally speaking I don't think I truly thought through every implication of what a hook up would ultimately Entail.
I think my first reason was purely for mutual selfish purposes. I had clearly found the young man to attractive, I wasn't entirely sure what he saw in me , as there was such a huge difference in age, none of it seemed to make sense.
Except that we both wanted to spend some loving time together .
The reasons I had for not doing it in my younger years were suddenly gone.
I wasn't in a relationship
I wasn't looking for another relationship
I wasn't looking for another husband
I didn't need to seek a potential partner to father babies.
Etc etc
And they were beautiful to look at ( selfish reasons)
There there was 3 in total Their energy was good I didn't know or care for tomorrow right then at that time was good.
However the was to be implications.
Which were to reflection of my personality.
For now I will stop here - and return to what these implications are . It's emotional, psychological, and spiritual.
Ultimately there is no such thing ..for me anyhow as 'no strings attached '
Continued
***************
I fell in love with each of them . I didn't seek relationships with them, neither did I come away heartbroken.
I guess on reflection one the major reasons I never did hook ups before is unlike a couple of my friends who were drawn to the outer image of the man ..I somehow without realising it . Am drawn to the inner workings of him ..kind of what lies beneath.
I trusted what I felt .. I think in all honesty had we the luxury of living in parallel universes I could envisage each of them as my husband and soulmate . Who knows maybe they had been. Which is why I had trusted them and accepted them so readily.
Anyways after knowing them . I soon realized I wasn't cut out for hook ups. I am much better suited to the everyday lifestyle of commitment to one man only and that commitment be in marriage.
I mean why half do something,when you can do it fully?
Once I had reached this conclusion, I soon after met my fiance. Who is adorable.
I recently spoke with one of the 3 boys , lover # 2 and reminisced on the lovely time we shared . His vibration is still as lovely as it was then , reminding me of why I had chosen to spend time with him.
Such a lovely young man . They all are.
I have to add , having had more time to reflect on the significant age difference.
I don't agree that it's coincidental.
They knew what they have a need ,which was very like the number 1 reason they approached me.
Yet I was blind to the need I had in them. Though just a few weeks ago the penny finally dropped totally with #1
I think it's a good thing that there are Men out here in the world who are willing to make it happen, for a woman like me it's a gift.
I wrote a post on here that Loving , warm Men are a Gem to woman 💎 they truly
truly are. And I've been privileged to have met and known them.❤️🍓❤️🍓
Especially so .. because from becoming a sexually active teen to a woman aged 54 who had been married and divorced twice over "hooking up" was an option I had never seriously considered or viewed as an entertainment.
Aged teens - 20's my observations were that my female friends who hooked up each of them seriously lacked self esteem, many had been sexualised in childhood and felt that having sex with a young or an older man.
Somehow satisfied a need for attention from a male , seeing this attention in a psychologically skewed way has them being somehow " special to said male ..even if the male in question was a stranger, there very likely were aspirations of the said male becoming a boyfriend and the scenario ending positively..for her.
This scenario never played out for me , I wasn't raised with a Man in my family home. So I wasn't comfortable being around males , coupled with the fact after primary school.
I attended single female schools. Until I reached puberty Men to me may as well have been Aliens. I didn't feel at home in their presence and saw no cause or reason to seek their attention.
Obviously puberty happened and when it did like my peers who were starting to date , I decided then ..at that time I would like a boyfriend too. But only one ..one seemed like plenty enough for me 🙂 💖🙂
Since that time until my 50's I went on to have three happy long term marriages. So never had a need for one night stands.
ONLINE DATING
@ 54 two years after my divorce when I began considering male companionship again. I found myself in a new and different world from the 90's called social media & on line dating, my goodness what a revelation.
My first encounter was with men of my own age and it was all very nice. Met a nice guy and had no problems. We seemed to effortlessly fall into a lovely relationship which lasted a few years.
HOOK UPS
Personally speaking I don't think I truly thought through every implication of what a hook up would ultimately Entail.
I think my first reason was purely for mutual selfish purposes. I had clearly found the young man to attractive, I wasn't entirely sure what he saw in me , as there was such a huge difference in age, none of it seemed to make sense.
Except that we both wanted to spend some loving time together .
The reasons I had for not doing it in my younger years were suddenly gone.
I wasn't in a relationship
I wasn't looking for another relationship
I wasn't looking for another husband
I didn't need to seek a potential partner to father babies.
Etc etc
And they were beautiful to look at ( selfish reasons)
There there was 3 in total Their energy was good I didn't know or care for tomorrow right then at that time was good.
However the was to be implications.
Which were to reflection of my personality.
For now I will stop here - and return to what these implications are . It's emotional, psychological, and spiritual.
Ultimately there is no such thing ..for me anyhow as 'no strings attached '
Continued
***************
I fell in love with each of them . I didn't seek relationships with them, neither did I come away heartbroken.
I guess on reflection one the major reasons I never did hook ups before is unlike a couple of my friends who were drawn to the outer image of the man ..I somehow without realising it . Am drawn to the inner workings of him ..kind of what lies beneath.
I trusted what I felt .. I think in all honesty had we the luxury of living in parallel universes I could envisage each of them as my husband and soulmate . Who knows maybe they had been. Which is why I had trusted them and accepted them so readily.
Anyways after knowing them . I soon realized I wasn't cut out for hook ups. I am much better suited to the everyday lifestyle of commitment to one man only and that commitment be in marriage.
I mean why half do something,when you can do it fully?
Once I had reached this conclusion, I soon after met my fiance. Who is adorable.
I recently spoke with one of the 3 boys , lover # 2 and reminisced on the lovely time we shared . His vibration is still as lovely as it was then , reminding me of why I had chosen to spend time with him.
Such a lovely young man . They all are.
I have to add , having had more time to reflect on the significant age difference.
I don't agree that it's coincidental.
They knew what they have a need ,which was very like the number 1 reason they approached me.
Yet I was blind to the need I had in them. Though just a few weeks ago the penny finally dropped totally with #1
I think it's a good thing that there are Men out here in the world who are willing to make it happen, for a woman like me it's a gift.
I wrote a post on here that Loving , warm Men are a Gem to woman 💎 they truly
truly are. And I've been privileged to have met and known them.❤️🍓❤️🍓
