Breaking up with violent bf

@HootyTheNightOwl he actually has some stuff at my house like a piano that he’d need to move. How would that go over? What if he asks me why are we breaking up

@Fifidog Left to me... I would tell the truth - but that's how I have been conditioned to respond ever since childhood.

As for collecting his stuff - have him arrange something with the police to accompany him to collect his belongings at a mutually beneficial time. The police won't put up with any angry nonsense from him. After it's done, get an order out against him.

Yes get a restraining order @Fifidog @HootyTheNightOwl

@HootyTheNightOwl what if he says he wants to come talk to me in person about it?

@Fifidog Say "No" or have someone with you - preferably someone who intimidates him as I said in my first post.

All you have to do is state to him "It's over - and there's nothing you can say or do to change my mind now"... then be a woman of your word.

Abusers never change anymore than you can live underwater like a mermaid.

@NinaTina I agree with that.

@HootyTheNightOwl I wonder if he’s just texting the girl or if he’d really meet up

@Fifidog Whatever his intentions are, it's disrespectful of you.

Would you tolerate someone else being disrespectful towards you??? If not... why is he so different???

If he thinks that he can disrespect you as his girlfriend... how will he treat you better as his fiancée or wife - especially when you're showing him that it doesn't matter now???

@HootyTheNightOwl your right he shouldn’t be even talking to her in the first place even if he’s bored. He should only have eyes for me

@Fifidog It's not so much that he's talking to her that's raising flags for me... but more the fact that he's hiding it from you.

I have no issue with my man being friends with girls because I trust him to not go further than that... but, given that you already have issues trusting him since he's cheated before, he should be doing more to ensure that you trust him and you're comfortable with him being friends with this girl - even if it means that you all go out together as a three/foursome.

He's not doing much to show you that he's changed and his eyes and mind are firmly on you the whole time - so, how is this respectful and mindful of you???

@HootyTheNightOwl your right. I found out she lives across the country. Should he still be held accountable as a cheater even tho he probably could never meet up with her cause she lives too far away. Their conversations have been flirtatious

@Fifidog You don't have to physically cheat on your partner in person - an emotional affair can be enough to devastate a 20, 30 or 40 year marriage.

Just because he hasn't met her in person, it doesn't mean that it's a "harmless bit of fun"

You also have to consider how this has affected you emotionally. Could you potentially live with an open marriage or would you prefer a monogamous marriage between yourself and your husband??? Some people can make an open marriage work... but most people find that they can be a nightmare - especially if you're already feeling insecure in your marriage as it is.

That can slip into an abusive relationship as you start to fight against each other with one person trying to stop the bothersome behaviour and the other person not wanting to give it up.

@HootyTheNightOwl it is emotionally affecting. I can’t pinpoint in what way but I do feel some type of way. What’s cheating on social media called? Emotional cheating? I think of it and I say if he really had cared about me and loved me he wouldn’t do stuff like that to hurt me emotionally. He knows what he’s doing is wrong and that’s why he’s trying to hide it.