Problem with my hubby.

We live with my cognitively disabled brother. He has the mind of a child and doesn’t drive so relies on us to take him places. He has a small yard work job with a former neighbour that he enjoys, and it gives him income and purpose. Sometimes the neighbour will also drive him to her house but she’s on meds right now and can’t drive.

Today my hubby is refusing to take him to do yard work bc he has a personal beef with the husband of the woman my brother is doing yard work for. Early last year The husband was supposed to do some work on our house, but he let us down and ghosted us. he’s a contractor and prob got too busy but didn’t wanna admit it. I’m over it and I don’t care. But my hubby feels that by driving my brother to their house, he’s helping them and he thinks we shouldn’t help them bc they let us down. I told him his personal matters have nothing to do with my brother, who IS the person we are helping. This was a big argument.

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DCarey · 51-55, M

Sounds like you are headed for divorce.

DoubleRings · 51-55, F

Bc of my comments here or bc of his actions…? @DCarey

DCarey · 51-55, M

@DoubleRings Both. You seem really angry at him.

DoubleRings · 51-55, F

To me it’s the most childish logic I’ve heard from an adult. @DCarey his argument alone is insulting to my intelligence - and I even more so bc he actually defends it.

Does this situation make any sense to you?

DCarey · 51-55, M

@DoubleRings Yeah, which is why you should hire a lawyer.

DoubleRings · 51-55, F

@DCarey you think his reasoning makes sense?

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DoubleRings · 51-55, F

@DCarey yeah bc even when I logically explained it to him he doesn’t get it. He seriously doesn’t get it. And if he’s going to use my brother as a pawn to get some kind of perceived leverage or retribution over someone else for his benefit, then I am really frightened where else this mentality could lead. Especially bc the way I (and apparently many others) see it, is completely foreign to him.

DCarey · 51-55, M

@DoubleRings If he's not the man you married (and it doesn't seem he is), you need to do what is best for yourself and your brother.

DoubleRings · 51-55, F

@DCarey it’s crossed my mind many times and we are in counselling over the amount of conflict we’ve had. He hates that we spend money on it but it still doesn’t stop him from these ridiculous thinking patterns.

DCarey · 51-55, M

@DoubleRings I'm sorry you have to go through this.

DoubleRings · 51-55, F

Thanks. I honestly think he himself has a lot of mental problems and he won’t admit it. He won’t try to get diagnosed. @DCarey

The funny thing is his brother was in a similar situation (very long story) where his brother was trying to express a beef with my hubby through someone else. Hubby was really upset about it bc he was the very person his brother was angry at and felt the other person was not even involved. The counsellor called this “triangulation” and she tried to tell him how inappropriate it was for his brother to do such a thing to express anger and yet!!!! here he is doing the exact. Same. Thing.

This is also part of what makes me go “what in the actual f&ck are you even talking about??” When he argues about my brother getting a ride.