Am I giving my boyfriend an opportunity to cheat?

So my boyfriend has two devices and his text messages get sent to both. The other day it came up in conversation that he logged out of one to make it so his messages only go to one device. I asked him why he did that and he said it was annoying him that he was getting notifications on both. I personally think that’s a fake excuse and he did it for privacy reasons. Should I ask him if he wanted to change the passcode to the device he logged out of so he can log back in but just not tell me the passcode to it? Right now I have the passcode to the device but he’s a very private person and I think this is why he may have logged out even though I don’t know for sure. If I asked him to change the passcode and log back in (if he wants to do that) should I be worried that I am giving him an opportunity to cheat? Will he feel comfortable changing passcodes to everything after that? (Not the direction I’d want to go in, I would be doing this for him for a one time thing incase he wanted privacy)

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WhateverWorks · 36-40

🤷🏻‍♀️ I only get my text messages sent to my phone, not my tablets etc for this exact same reason. All the notifications are annoying.

Really though if someone wants to cheat they are going to do it regardless of your efforts to babysit them.

Gotta tell you, the scenario you described where you’re all up in their business wanting pass codes to all their stuff, keeping tabs on their text messaging, the whole lot of it is… not a healthy relationship/ trust dynamic.. it’s more likely that your insecurity and defense mechanism to become controlling is going to tank the relationship, not them cheating. And… if he’s already cheated then… I refer back to my initial statement where nothing you do is going to prevent them from cheating again.. if that’s something they want to do they will find a way,

if you can’t trust this person it’s better to just end things for the sake of your sanity/heart and valuable time, so that you have an opportunity to meet someone without all the baggage.

Fifidog · 26-30, F

@WhateverWorks what do you find annoying about it? It didn’t annoy him before but all of a sudden it does now. You have good points.

WhateverWorks · 36-40

It’s equivocal to spam. I’m hearing ding ding ding in several places at once. It clutters my notification page. It interrupts what I’m doing. It’s a nuisance. @Fifidog

Fifidog · 26-30, F

@WhateverWorks would you ever do that so you don’t get caught cheating?

WhateverWorks · 36-40

Me personally? I’m not into the whole cheating thing lol I suppose someone could do that if they were trying to hide cheating but the reality is there are so many other low-key options when it comes to messengers and privacy etc. allowing yourself to get hyper focused on that isn’t really helpful. The question that matters isn’t whether it means they are cheating or not or going to cheat eventually. What matters is figuring out for yourself if you want to stay with someone who are you find yourself hypervigilant of cheating which is.. kinda miserable and not normal relationship stuff. @Fifidog

Fifidog · 26-30, F

@WhateverWorks I’m glad to hear that it’s not normal relationship stuff because it’s happened to everybody I know

WhateverWorks · 36-40

Let me rephrase that: it’s pretty common for people to be cheated on at some point in their overall dating history. However, the intense anxiety about someone cheating on you isn’t ‘just a part of having a relationship‘. it’s OK to get insecure and important to have good communication, but in a healthy, happy, lasting relationship you’re not ‘living in fear‘.

There’s also this separate phenomenon where people with particular issues tend to gravitate to other people who have relatable issues, which often leads to a bunch of normalizing/validating unhealthy stuff. @Fifidog

REMsleep · 41-45, F

@WhateverWorks I agree 100%