I just told a good friend that I could not be there for her as often when she was in a relationship 2 years ago because....

I was a little in love with her. And, seeing her happy with someone else back then makes me a bit hurt. So I quietly walked away to eat my heart out for awhile. But I did keep in touch with her throughout those years, just not as frequent as before. Now that she's single, she asked why I did that. I cut to the chase and told her the truth. She's so cross at me now. I really don't know what to do. I might have to give up on this friendship.

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Oster1 · M

Not knowing the story, I don't know if a boundary was crossed or not.
I don't understand why she would be crossed, if you cared for her, unless maybe she had more than friends feelings for you too, and you didn't tell her.

Hey, you took a chance and many would have, too. Perhaps it would be better to just let her have time to think and see if she gets back in touch. Be weary of a rebound situation too, and getting hurt again. 😊🌷

Tinkerxbell · 46-50, F

@Oster1 Thanks so much for your kind words. No boundary was crossed. But I used to talk to her on everyday basis when she was single for like a year - we met on a dating website. She's a bit complicated so I decided to be just friends with her. But after she told me she met someone and was serious about it, the news somehow broke my heart. Because I know deep down I have some warm tender feelings for her. So I walked away for awhile to come to terms with it. And, then a few days ago, she asked me why I was not there for her like before (when she was single). 🙁

Oster1 · M

@Tinkerxbell Awww, you are so welcome. I'm pretty good with relating and love to help people, with their feelings. At times, we all need support and perhaps someone, just to listen. I just don't have enough info.

I wouldn't give up on the 'friendship', just yet. I'm getting this strong feeling, from what you said, that maybe, she relied on you, emotionally and your support. It's starting to make sense.

I believe she felt abandoned, rejected/ghosted. When I said boundaries, I meant the sometimes awkwardness of a one sided friendship to love attraction, which is very common. I'm feeling this complexity in her now.

She definitely had feelings for you, hence her showing hurt. I'm not sure if it was romantic, or an emotional dependancy, that developed.

I do feel like, there was a lack of communication and regret that a deeper conversation was not had, before you left. If meant to be, this is repairable. I do not see where either is to 'blame', just issues were left, unresolved. Once again, very common.

Tinkerxbell · 46-50, F

@Oster1 Yes, she relied on me emotionally and needed my support all the time because she doesn't have many friends. FYI she has PTSD. My ex partner has complex PTSD as well, and I told myself not to be in any relationship with someone who has PTSD as it was very tough for me, speaking from my experience, do you get what I mean? Anyway, I concur with you, if it is meant to be, she and I can salvage this friendship. Otherwise, sadly in life sometimes we don't have closure and have to move on.

Oster1 · M

@Tinkerxbell I absolutely get what you mean. I'm very empathic and am able to feel people and gifted with a very sensiive and highly intuitive sixth sense, since very young.

I definitely understand how difficult that relaionship is, with another, that suffers. It can literally suck ones energy dry, to the extent of fatigue and illness, especially if one is extra sensitive and perceptive. At times, it's so oppressive, life smothering, etc., one may feel like it's impossible to overcome.

Allow some time, to play out, but I could not agree more, with your last sentence. 😊🌺

Oster1 · M

@Tinkerxbell Thank you, for adding me. That was very sweet. I'm looking forward to a long friendship and many interactions. It was so nice, to meet you!😊🌻

Tinkerxbell · 46-50, F

@Oster1 The pleasure is all mine.