How to stop “snooping”?

So I don’t know if I’d call what I do snooping but all I know is I need help. I’ll give you a little history of what happened in the past. Last year my boyfriend betrayed me through text (didn’t meet up with the girl in person but definitely betrayed me through his words of what he said to this other girl.) I had found out about it through a notification that popped up on his tablet. (At this point I had snooped, I’ll admit but for good reasons.) The notifications would go to all his devices, for example phone and tablet. Fast forward to today, he forgot his password to download apps on his phone and had to reset his password which logged him out of the notifications for the tablet. In reality, this is nothing to be worried about and no problem. After this happened I started feeling nauseous, anxiety, stress, I couldn’t sleep, my heart kept beating fast, I felt shakey and couldn’t relax. Since last year, I’ve worked on stopping to snoop and have been doing well. As long as he’s logged in and getting notifications on all devices I don’t feel a need to snoop and haven’t. But as soon as he stopped getting notifications on all his devices I literally felt sick. This is a problem. Why can’t I just mind my own business and not care. I felt so sick for days to the point where I logged him in myself to get notifications on all his devices, which I know isn’t right, but since I did that I haven’t even looked at his notifications. I could care less when he’s logged in. Why do I get this feeling? Is it stemming from the betrayal that happened last year? Is it just me being crazy? How can I stop caring about if he’s getting notifications or not? It makes me sick and it’s a problem not only for my relationship but also for my mental health. If it ever came down to it I would feel more comfortable with him staying logged in but adding a passcode or something because I don’t know why staying logged in bothers me so much or where it’s stemming from. Please help me figure this out. We’ve been living together and been dating for over 5 years.

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Souls

In your relationship, there is a problem with communication and trust. Because you either haven't recovered from the shock of betrayal, know the complete story, or recognize the effects it would have long term. The emotional response to infidelity/betrayal can be ruminating thoughts, sleep problems, erratic behaviors, and moods, health problems, or depression.

Fifidog · 26-30, F

@Souls thank you for letting me know that! It helps me know why I’m experiencing these feelings. What can I do to help myself feel better?

Souls

@Fifidog Think about what you want moving forward, work through your feelings, don't live in the past, and don't blame yourself you're not responsible for your partner's actions. Communicate, communicate, communicate, I can't stress this enough. Last but not least, rebuild trust with your partner. Trust is earned not given!

Fifidog · 26-30, F

@Souls that’s great advice! How do I work through my feelings? By talking about it?

Souls

@Fifidog Coming to terms with what happened is integral to the healing process. Maintaining a daily gratitude practice, like keeping a journal, allow yourself to self-heal over time. Getting over infidelity follows the usual stages of grief shock/denial; anger/defiance; bargaining; depression, remorse; and acceptance.

Fifidog · 26-30, F

@Souls good to know that. Thanks. Will I need to get a therapist or medication to get thru it or can I self heal on my own?

Souls

@Fifidog Therapy is designed to help any and all individuals live better. You don’t have to have a huge problem to benefit from therapy. Essentially, if you want to start therapy or think you could find value in this process, that is reason enough. If your symptoms such as anxiety, insomnia, depression, etc are interfering with your everyday life, I recommend reaching out to a therapist or a psychologist. A licensed professional will determine if medication is necessary.