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How to stop “snooping”?

So I don’t know if I’d call what I do snooping but all I know is I need help. I’ll give you a little history of what happened in the past. Last year my boyfriend betrayed me through text (didn’t meet up with the girl in person but definitely betrayed me through his words of what he said to this other girl.) I had found out about it through a notification that popped up on his tablet. (At this point I had snooped, I’ll admit but for good reasons.) The notifications would go to all his devices, for example phone and tablet. Fast forward to today, he forgot his password to download apps on his phone and had to reset his password which logged him out of the notifications for the tablet. In reality, this is nothing to be worried about and no problem. After this happened I started feeling nauseous, anxiety, stress, I couldn’t sleep, my heart kept beating fast, I felt shakey and couldn’t relax. Since last year, I’ve worked on stopping to snoop and have been doing well. As long as he’s logged in and getting notifications on all devices I don’t feel a need to snoop and haven’t. But as soon as he stopped getting notifications on all his devices I literally felt sick. This is a problem. Why can’t I just mind my own business and not care. I felt so sick for days to the point where I logged him in myself to get notifications on all his devices, which I know isn’t right, but since I did that I haven’t even looked at his notifications. I could care less when he’s logged in. Why do I get this feeling? Is it stemming from the betrayal that happened last year? Is it just me being crazy? How can I stop caring about if he’s getting notifications or not? It makes me sick and it’s a problem not only for my relationship but also for my mental health. If it ever came down to it I would feel more comfortable with him staying logged in but adding a passcode or something because I don’t know why staying logged in bothers me so much or where it’s stemming from. Please help me figure this out. We’ve been living together and been dating for over 5 years.
In your relationship, there is a problem with communication and trust. Because you either haven't recovered from the shock of betrayal, know the complete story, or recognize the effects it would have long term. The emotional response to infidelity/betrayal can be ruminating thoughts, sleep problems, erratic behaviors, and moods, health problems, or depression.
@Fifidog Coming to terms with what happened is integral to the healing process. Maintaining a daily gratitude practice, like keeping a journal, allow yourself to self-heal over time. Getting over infidelity follows the usual stages of grief shock/denial; anger/defiance; bargaining; depression, remorse; and acceptance.
Fifidog · 22-25, F
@Souls good to know that. Thanks. Will I need to get a therapist or medication to get thru it or can I self heal on my own?
@Fifidog Therapy is designed to help any and all individuals live better. You don’t have to have a huge problem to benefit from therapy. Essentially, if you want to start therapy or think you could find value in this process, that is reason enough. If your symptoms such as anxiety, insomnia, depression, etc are interfering with your everyday life, I recommend reaching out to a therapist or a psychologist. A licensed professional will determine if medication is necessary.
alongalone · M
You're letting your mind play tricks on you. Find distractions
Fifidog · 22-25, F
@alongalone what kind of distractions can I find? I literally can’t stop thinking about it and it bothers me so much when it’s logged out but I don’t want to bring it up to my bf cause it’s kinda weird. Why would my mind be playing these tricks on me? Is it trauma is it anxiety is it none of those?
alongalone · M
@Fifidog it's okay. Say relax to yourself and you will. Take things slow. I hope you feel better soon. 🙂
Fifidog · 22-25, F
@alongalone thank you for your support I’ll be okay. I just want to relax. I wonder if I need like anxiety medication or something

 
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