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I am struggling with my partner..

I know what works for me and what I am looking for in a husband. When my current fiancé and I started talking I was very clear about what I’m looking for in a partner. He was not honest about who he truly was. I told him I am very family oriented and want a family oriented guy etc. he went along with it all and never disagreed or said hey actually I’m not really that person. Well, fast forward, now we’ve been together a year and a half and are engaged, and I have learned some about some traits I do not find attractive in a partner, like for one, he is selfish and not an empathetic person. 2. He is not as family oriented as he made himself to be. 3. He lies a lot (like white lies bc he doesn’t want me to get upset). He treats us as two separated rather than as 1. For example: what he buys for groceries are his and I have to buy my own groceries. He also goes back on his agreements a lot for almost everything. Like we agreed that once we got married he’d put my name on the title of the home he bought when we were together and that I’ve been living in with him since he moved in. Now he changed it to a year after marriage. He also wants to sign a pre nup. I have no bad intentions and actually make more money than him, but it bothers me because all of this makes me feel very separate, it’s not how my family was growing up. Also, he had a fit when I asked him to put my brother as his one of his groomsmen (my brother put him as one). my family all loves him and he gets a long them so he has no reason to act this way. But he says he will never be close to them bc that’s not how he is. He says if I wanna go see my parents I can go by myself and that he really doesn’t wanna go. Today, I asked him what Mother’s Day plans were (we always do something with his mom and my mom) and he said he might be hanging out with his friend this Saturday.. (which is only day we can do something with my mom) he says he doesn’t need to be a part of Mother’s Day with my mom. My mother loves him and would love nothing more than him to go and I would love nothing more than him to want to go and be a part of family functions with me but lately he’s been showing me that’s not the kinda guy he is. This just all bothers me because I feel I was blind sided. He hid this side of him from me at the beginning and never revealed it until I was already living with him. Idk what to do. I just feel like this is not what I was looking for in a husband and am feeling turned off from all these qualities but am caught between that and also feeling that maybe it’s not a big deal.. idk
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JRVanguard · 26-30, M
There’s just so many red flags there
What does he do that does make you happy recently?
And does it really outweigh all that?
Moraguea · 26-30, F
@JRVanguard nothing. :( he doesn’t cheat and is affectionate. That is all I can really chuck it up too.
JRVanguard · 26-30, M
@Moraguea I’m worried you’re minimizing the negatives because he is your partner and you do care for him
But with everything you’ve written above, and those are pretty serious red flags, and with those being the sole positives it just doesn’t sound good for you
I’m sorry
I don’t mean to be negative or play couples counselor but this sounds a lot like my last relationship and I don’t want to see anyone go through the same thing
Hugs
Here if you need a friend to talk to💙
Moraguea · 26-30, F
@JRVanguard yes it’s very hard to tell because sometimes I feel this isn’t right I just can’t get myself to let go..
JRVanguard · 26-30, M
@Moraguea That is so so so relatable
I know how hard it is
You think back on the promises you made(even though they haven’t kept there’s)
You think about how the family will react to find out you’re not together and you don’t want to go through that
You live together so that a whole extra layer
I know you know in the back of your mind what the right thing to do is
But that’s not the easy thing
Good luck
Truly
I hope to see you out of this and free and happy💙
Moraguea · 26-30, F
@JRVanguard thank you so much!
JRVanguard · 26-30, M
@Moraguea Of course!
Good luck!
Here if you need a friend 🤗