I’ve always been so guarded

I think I’m finally realizing my issue. I’m too guarded! And I’m more in touch with my masculine side than I am my feminine side…don’t get me wrong, I’m feminine where it counts lol…but I’m very independent in the sense that I like being alone. When it comes to relationships, I’m the type that preaches “I don’t need no man!” I work for myself, dress for myself and am always on guard and alert for what my next move is….work oriented and I like to get stuff done….but sometimes, I feel like I wouldn’t mind a man to make me feel pretty and small and soft and feminine..like I can relax and drop my guard for a second.. but I’m so damn stubborn about it lol. im uncomfortable with the idea of letting a man provide for me? Or treat me to nice things. I would pick up the check before he can cause that stubborn part of me says “I don’t need a man to take care of that for me”. I mean my ex would treat me but I didn’t like it. I don’t know why I’m so against it. I just don’t wanna depend on anyone I guess. I don’t want it thrown in my face. I can and prefer to take care of myself. I’ve been on my own and provided for myself since I was 18. I’m still relatively young! 22. But I dunno. Just ranting. Any others relate ? Lol

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Kazuya69 · 31-35, M

What made you so defensive? I doubt it has so much to do with masculine and feminine side of you self as much as maybe some fears or self doubts you might have. Treating someone to nice things if not done in a solely material way is just an expression of you caring, has nothing to do with gender. I don't see how doing things together or paying for a meal or something is throwing anything in your face? Also relationships are partnerships, what is anyone taking away from you by being nice or trying to make you feel special? Someone treating someone to dinner or something is in no way belittling them or saying you can't do something on your own. I also don't think any relationship should be one way ie how does it make you feel when your treating your partner?

Sb356 · 26-30, F

@Kazuya69 honestly you’re onto something. I guess it’s just growing up my mom liked to guilt trip. I’m almost positive that’s where it stems from. She’d say “I did such and such for you but you can’t return the favor” or she did something and expected something back. I dunno. I guess treating my partner feels good you know? Like I’m glad to know I can provide something but my lack of accepting it from others is a little bit of a pride thing I feel. Sometimes my ego goes into it too. I strive to be more so they can’t belittle me. You’re right though, that doesn’t say that.

Kazuya69 · 31-35, M

@Sb356 That makes allot of sense actually. Honestly Im sorry you went through that with her,It is part of being a parent to take care of your child not gain off them or expect to. It will probably take a while to get past tbh, but next time focus on the feeling you get when you do something nice for them. If you know it feels good when you treat them to something the more you keep in mind that probably makes them feel just as good. You have to believe your worth someone treating good. Doing things together doesn't take anything from what you can or they can do on their own, however id bet working together you can do better then just on your own, same is true for them. It isn't like your a burden or like they are trying to take away from you. You help each other or at least you should.

on the other hand, if they are someone who acts like taking car of you or paying for things etc is a status thing, like using you to show off then drop their ass like a bad habit. They should respect what you bring to the table as well and it's not fair if they do everything for you instead of doing things for eachother.