Richard III quote at the beginning of Cioran's 1st French book
"I'll join black despair
against my soul,
And to myself become
an enemy."
To an extent that sums it up to what may be temporarily termed my self regard, at least a starting point.
For all that disgusts me, for example the person who is 50% responsible for my existence, the deepest and most vehement disgust is reserved for myself, it's not only a sound raison d'etre, it's something else, something so fundamental, so in the centre of the being, essence of selfhood, that I fail to find the accurate word for it.
Let this be the beginning of my tenure here, a laying down of a basic fact, self hatred is not something I boast of, it's just something I need to affirm, to go forward.
My posts here shall be a map and work, first and foremost for myself to make sense of things, and 2ndly, and only possibly will it serve as grounds for anyone who wishes to converse with me, and that is not necessary, it is enough for me to be able to spew my stupid thoughts to this community, where practically anything can be said with impunity. Like those in power, but in my case a pathetic slob, with a pathetic living environment, however I shall always confirm and carefully display the nobility and brilliance of the interests, those things are things that the world at large can enjoy, and draw inspiration and instruction from, if and when I speak of them, may I be guided with common sense and whatever gifts bestowed on me over the years which I haven't yet annihilated from ill usage be made evident to some.
against my soul,
And to myself become
an enemy."
To an extent that sums it up to what may be temporarily termed my self regard, at least a starting point.
For all that disgusts me, for example the person who is 50% responsible for my existence, the deepest and most vehement disgust is reserved for myself, it's not only a sound raison d'etre, it's something else, something so fundamental, so in the centre of the being, essence of selfhood, that I fail to find the accurate word for it.
Let this be the beginning of my tenure here, a laying down of a basic fact, self hatred is not something I boast of, it's just something I need to affirm, to go forward.
My posts here shall be a map and work, first and foremost for myself to make sense of things, and 2ndly, and only possibly will it serve as grounds for anyone who wishes to converse with me, and that is not necessary, it is enough for me to be able to spew my stupid thoughts to this community, where practically anything can be said with impunity. Like those in power, but in my case a pathetic slob, with a pathetic living environment, however I shall always confirm and carefully display the nobility and brilliance of the interests, those things are things that the world at large can enjoy, and draw inspiration and instruction from, if and when I speak of them, may I be guided with common sense and whatever gifts bestowed on me over the years which I haven't yet annihilated from ill usage be made evident to some.
46-50, M