Book report: Michelle Obam's new autobiograph "The Light We Carry"
“I couldn't STAND Obama, for 10 years . .. !!!”
Hey – stop cursing at me. I'm just the reviewer. That presidential shade was cast by “Mrs. Michelle Obama” herself, former first lady.
Why would she hate the Prez, her own husband? And why keep it a big secret until now?
If you're a democrat, you can rest easy. The decade of Michelle's discontent was NOT the same period as his presidency. That was the time (some) OTHER people couldn't stand him. Not me, necessarily. But he DID use his state of the union message to “normalize” partisan attacks on the supreme court. He did surprise us, after Obamacare was passed, that we actually COULDN'T keep our current doctors and insurance plans, if we liked them. And don't get me started on the US occupation of Afghanistan, The pointlessness of which was only made clear when Biden evacuated the surviving troops under a fusillade of Taliban bullets and missiles.
However, those are NOT the times Michelle hated him. Her shade was cast during the decade just BEFORE Obama was elected. When daughters Malia and Dropsy were “small”. Because . . . you know . . . kids. BHO clearly didn't help out enough with the diapers and bottles, while launching his political career.
WTH? Can any of this actually be true? A cynic might theorize that Michelle would ONLY make such bizarre accusations if she had a book to promote, right?
I win! I win! Michelle Obama IS in fact promoting her new, ghost-written book: “The light we carry”. On TV talk shows. And yes “The light we carry” is an autobiography. But unrelated to Michelle's earlier autobiography: “Becoming”, which was released in 2018. "Becoming" became that year's best seller, instantly on its first day of release. Take that, struggling authors of the world! You'd have to write a series of kids' books about a magical orphaned child wizard – "the chosen one" – to top Michelle's repeated successes.
Of course, President Obama himself has also released several autobiographies. “Dreams from my father”. “The promised land”. “The audacity of hope”.
But WHY so many books? It may have something to do with the $65 million book deal revealed in 2017, just after President Obama left the white house. He (they) signed an agreement with Penguin Random House publishing for an undisclosed number of memoirs. I'm not sure whether this includes Barack's co-authored book with Bruce Springsteen (“Born in the USA”). But if you've previously read Obama's Hawaiian birth certificate, you may be familiar with the basic plot. And then there's Michelle's White House cookbook - “American Grown”.
I am NOT making any of this stuff up. You just couldn't.
Back to Michelle's decade of hate.
It's probably NOT sensational enough just to hate your husband, if you're plotting to unleash a blockbuster memoir. So, Michelle also revealed “my daughters were terrorists”. No $hit!! She really said that. Can you imagine how this went in the interview with the ghost writer? (“No . . no . . let's leave it in Michelle. It's edgy, I know. But who HASN'T wanted to kill their kids at some point? It's supporting your main premise. Hate the father, and then hate the kids. Trust me - America will eat this up. Was there any incest involved, by the way?”)
Okay. Hold onto that thought. And now imagine presidential daughters Malia and Dropsy, in psychotherapy soon, after finding out they were labelled as childhood terrorists by their own mother. And remember that their dad only agreed to get them the puppy they wanted IF he won the white house. And then he STILL nearly reneged on his promise. Book deal, anyone?
“All happy families are alike. Every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”
This may sound familiar to some people. Who the heck said that? Wait . . wait . . .don't tell me. It was Leo Tolstoy, in the opening to “Anna Karenina.” A best seller, for sure. But probably not as many copies as Michelle's autobiography, on its first day. If only Tolstoy were smarter, and had the foresight to ink a deal with Penguin Random House BEFORE he set pen to paper, eh? They could have connected him with a crackerjack ghost writer and gotten him a promotional tour on TV talk shows. There might even be a companion cookbook on traditional Russian cuisine. (“Borscht from my mother” . . .?). A musical retrospective co-authored with Paul McCartney ("Back in the USSR"?). This is a target rich environment . . .
You just don't see that many huge literary hits written by tortured geniuses anymore. Thank goodness, too. The world is probably better served if we regard life as farce, rather than tragedy.
Back to Michelle. I'll close my book report with one other inspirational quote from the first lady. This was served up on election night, 2008, after her husband's win. “For the first time in my life, I am really proud of my country . . ,”
Yes, she really, really said that. So don't despair, you despised and long-suffering husbands. Becoming president seems to be a surefire way to end a decade of hatred, and turn it into loving respect. And book deals!!
(full disclosure – this writer has signed no book deals with Penguin Random House. She has no ghost writers to help her produce this drivel. I am tortured, for sure, but not a genius of any kind.)
Hey – stop cursing at me. I'm just the reviewer. That presidential shade was cast by “Mrs. Michelle Obama” herself, former first lady.
Why would she hate the Prez, her own husband? And why keep it a big secret until now?
If you're a democrat, you can rest easy. The decade of Michelle's discontent was NOT the same period as his presidency. That was the time (some) OTHER people couldn't stand him. Not me, necessarily. But he DID use his state of the union message to “normalize” partisan attacks on the supreme court. He did surprise us, after Obamacare was passed, that we actually COULDN'T keep our current doctors and insurance plans, if we liked them. And don't get me started on the US occupation of Afghanistan, The pointlessness of which was only made clear when Biden evacuated the surviving troops under a fusillade of Taliban bullets and missiles.
However, those are NOT the times Michelle hated him. Her shade was cast during the decade just BEFORE Obama was elected. When daughters Malia and Dropsy were “small”. Because . . . you know . . . kids. BHO clearly didn't help out enough with the diapers and bottles, while launching his political career.
WTH? Can any of this actually be true? A cynic might theorize that Michelle would ONLY make such bizarre accusations if she had a book to promote, right?
I win! I win! Michelle Obama IS in fact promoting her new, ghost-written book: “The light we carry”. On TV talk shows. And yes “The light we carry” is an autobiography. But unrelated to Michelle's earlier autobiography: “Becoming”, which was released in 2018. "Becoming" became that year's best seller, instantly on its first day of release. Take that, struggling authors of the world! You'd have to write a series of kids' books about a magical orphaned child wizard – "the chosen one" – to top Michelle's repeated successes.
Of course, President Obama himself has also released several autobiographies. “Dreams from my father”. “The promised land”. “The audacity of hope”.
But WHY so many books? It may have something to do with the $65 million book deal revealed in 2017, just after President Obama left the white house. He (they) signed an agreement with Penguin Random House publishing for an undisclosed number of memoirs. I'm not sure whether this includes Barack's co-authored book with Bruce Springsteen (“Born in the USA”). But if you've previously read Obama's Hawaiian birth certificate, you may be familiar with the basic plot. And then there's Michelle's White House cookbook - “American Grown”.
I am NOT making any of this stuff up. You just couldn't.
Back to Michelle's decade of hate.
It's probably NOT sensational enough just to hate your husband, if you're plotting to unleash a blockbuster memoir. So, Michelle also revealed “my daughters were terrorists”. No $hit!! She really said that. Can you imagine how this went in the interview with the ghost writer? (“No . . no . . let's leave it in Michelle. It's edgy, I know. But who HASN'T wanted to kill their kids at some point? It's supporting your main premise. Hate the father, and then hate the kids. Trust me - America will eat this up. Was there any incest involved, by the way?”)
Okay. Hold onto that thought. And now imagine presidential daughters Malia and Dropsy, in psychotherapy soon, after finding out they were labelled as childhood terrorists by their own mother. And remember that their dad only agreed to get them the puppy they wanted IF he won the white house. And then he STILL nearly reneged on his promise. Book deal, anyone?
“All happy families are alike. Every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”
This may sound familiar to some people. Who the heck said that? Wait . . wait . . .don't tell me. It was Leo Tolstoy, in the opening to “Anna Karenina.” A best seller, for sure. But probably not as many copies as Michelle's autobiography, on its first day. If only Tolstoy were smarter, and had the foresight to ink a deal with Penguin Random House BEFORE he set pen to paper, eh? They could have connected him with a crackerjack ghost writer and gotten him a promotional tour on TV talk shows. There might even be a companion cookbook on traditional Russian cuisine. (“Borscht from my mother” . . .?). A musical retrospective co-authored with Paul McCartney ("Back in the USSR"?). This is a target rich environment . . .
You just don't see that many huge literary hits written by tortured geniuses anymore. Thank goodness, too. The world is probably better served if we regard life as farce, rather than tragedy.
Back to Michelle. I'll close my book report with one other inspirational quote from the first lady. This was served up on election night, 2008, after her husband's win. “For the first time in my life, I am really proud of my country . . ,”
Yes, she really, really said that. So don't despair, you despised and long-suffering husbands. Becoming president seems to be a surefire way to end a decade of hatred, and turn it into loving respect. And book deals!!
(full disclosure – this writer has signed no book deals with Penguin Random House. She has no ghost writers to help her produce this drivel. I am tortured, for sure, but not a genius of any kind.)
31-35, F
