A woman and her toddler were driving down the freeway
when all of a sudden the car in front of them drives over a 12 inch dildo laying in the road. It bounces up and hits their windshield, then bounces up again over the top of the car, a second 'thud' as it hits the roof of the car, and eventually behind them as they drive on down the road. The young girl in the backseat asks "What was that Mommy?" "Uhh- I'm not sure darling, I think it was just a big bug!" The girl says "It must've been REAL big, did you see the size of its cock?!"

A married woman is caught shoplifting a bag of apples.
In court the judge says "I don't usually do this but to set an example, I'm sentencing you to spend a day in jail, one for each apple. That's a week in total."

Her husband raises his hand, "Your honor, I have to confess, she also stole a bag of rice the day before."

two.peanuts were walking down the street. one was a salted.

why not do observational comedy?

are you high

you want to buy jokes?

Why can't you trust atoms?
Cause they make up everything

Pay me first how much are you going to pay me

What do you call a fake noodle?

A: An impasta.

i did not understand ....but do you have RUM