I Have Something to Say

Life is impossibly difficult and I hated myself for so long. It was terrible, absolutely terrible growing up. And if someone asked, I wouldn't want to try life over again with the same circumstances because I feel lucky to be here. Most days I get to think, "well if there are other universes, I didn't make it this far in most of them." Which almost feels like encouragement to keep going to make it all worth it. And it's hard to continue but I try, and I keep trying so it doesn't have to be so hard for the next kid like me; I try so they find something better when they're born here. Yeah I could give up, anyone could, but what about all the people who've already given up that nobody cared about? What about all the people who've yet to be born but who will find the world just as cruel? If everyone who wants to give up gives up, then who will change anything for them? Who will ever make it better? Maybe no one, but those thoughts make it worth trying, and trying makes life worth living for me. And then I get to think, "If there are other universes, maybe the few mes out there who've made it this far are trying to make their universes better, too." And that thought helps me feel better because even if I can't do anything, it's trying that matters most to me, and to feel like you're not trying alone... it almost feels like I'm not actually so alone.