I Have Something to Say

I'm leaving from my holiday today. I can't stop crying... When the owner of the house came by to say goodbye, as he'll be gone when I leave, I nearly cried.
I'm hoping it's not going to be bad when I say goodbye to my female friend...

...
Oh, it will be bad. I've grown too close and my gosh I can see myself clinging to her in a hug and sobbing. I'm not good at farewells. I'm not ready to leave this place.

I don't even want to go outside in case I start to randomly choke up.
I think I'm also still touched about meeting the guy friend yesterday... no longer having feelings for him and us having left on good terms, like nothing bad happened in the past, and seeing how his life has changed (getting his license and a car, moving further away in this country, having a job -- although not one he wants nor likes, etc.) I worry that yesterday was our final farewell in life and I'll never hear from him again, for the rest of our lives.

I don't like farewells. This is going to hurt so badly.