This might not really be a qustion but I'm to that point in my life that I'm start to feel very lonely and that I will find no one are this bad or should I just keep going?
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I don't believe in karma, or any irrational thoughts that occur. They took their own life, that is their responsibility. You should start doing what you know you need to do instead of procrastinating, coming up with excuses or being ruled by your own fear.
Life is hard it requires physical and mental labour.