I'm at a point in life where I need things to be mutual.

I hear people say they're kind but never expect it in return and I don't agree with that in every instance. It's important that people are kind to each other and share.

Especially as a depleted person, I don't want to continue giving and letting people shat on me. I don't want friends or community that only give to give. Kindness being mutual should not be too much to ask.

Of course you do what you can in times of need or crisis, but in every day life, mutual respect and kindness should not be a high and mighty virtue, it should just be a thing.

To me, I felt I had some kind of relationship with everyone around me, even if it's just passing by, we are fellow humans, so I treated people with courtesy. People taking advantage of that is disgusting. I said it.

I don't feel wrong for feeling that way after the millionth time someone couldn't reciprocate the courtesy because they were too busy taking mine and running.

I think mutually beneficial arrangements are far more healthy than just saintly giving without expecting anything.

Because sorry, I don't want to be nice and treated poorly in return. I don't think that's ridiculous of me.

Can I accept that most people suck, sure. But I must teach myself to not be that person that gives my good energy believing it will multiply. Because it often doesn't. Often someone chews it up and spits it out. It's the people that reciprocate that make the world a better place.

Like in nature, many plants and animals have symbiotic relationships. It's harmony.

I want harmony and I'm done apologizing for it.

I'm not saying I won't do kind things just because and without needing reciprocation. I'm speaking on a broader sense, that mutual is lovely.