Thoughts on love?
We each have our own thoughts and desires when it comes to romantic connection. We each bring old hurt and wounds into every new relationship. Some people seem to find someone and they work it out happily. A lot of people have expectations and rules and make each other miserable. People lie and cheat.
Personally I watched my dad marry four times and my mom twice and her second husband practically killed her for her money. I have witnessed and experienced a lot of selfish and controlling behavior in others and my own relationships. I am divorced from a man who led me to believe he was someone he wasn't.
I don't deny a healthy relationship would feel good, but how is anyone expected to enjoy and put their faith in a union the other person can choose to trash at any moment because they want to?
I try to think of it all as fleeting. People have their individual freedoms and even if I want to be committed, I have to respect that my trust can be broken at any time. And that if I cry about it, it's my fault.
Life and humanity and experience has taught me to keep to myself. Being a good partner sets you up for being taken for granted.
The only love I find worthwhile is parent/child, the few people I recognize truly care and the love I feel being in nature and around animals.
Having a partner has always meant a lot of give and no get for me. It has always meant shame, fear and disappointment. It's tiring and life draining.
People will say that I don't choose well, as if it's my fault for seeing the good in someone.
I don't know, I just don't want it anymore. Being that close to someone and opening myself up to the possibility of being blamed when they do bad things is very unappealing. There's no bright side left.
Letting someone in my life has always been a disaster that I have to clean up no matter how clean I was.
Not looking for advice at all, I've shared my thoughts, but feel free to share your perspective as I'm curious about others thoughts.
Personally I watched my dad marry four times and my mom twice and her second husband practically killed her for her money. I have witnessed and experienced a lot of selfish and controlling behavior in others and my own relationships. I am divorced from a man who led me to believe he was someone he wasn't.
I don't deny a healthy relationship would feel good, but how is anyone expected to enjoy and put their faith in a union the other person can choose to trash at any moment because they want to?
I try to think of it all as fleeting. People have their individual freedoms and even if I want to be committed, I have to respect that my trust can be broken at any time. And that if I cry about it, it's my fault.
Life and humanity and experience has taught me to keep to myself. Being a good partner sets you up for being taken for granted.
The only love I find worthwhile is parent/child, the few people I recognize truly care and the love I feel being in nature and around animals.
Having a partner has always meant a lot of give and no get for me. It has always meant shame, fear and disappointment. It's tiring and life draining.
People will say that I don't choose well, as if it's my fault for seeing the good in someone.
I don't know, I just don't want it anymore. Being that close to someone and opening myself up to the possibility of being blamed when they do bad things is very unappealing. There's no bright side left.
Letting someone in my life has always been a disaster that I have to clean up no matter how clean I was.
Not looking for advice at all, I've shared my thoughts, but feel free to share your perspective as I'm curious about others thoughts.
41-45, F
