What’s your worst trait?

I found myself thinking about this tonight. What is the worst thing about being you? It can be a physical trait, or even emotional one like a character flaw. Whatever comes to your mind.

I think for me it’s the fact that I don’t have a positive presence or connection to anyone’s life who ever got to know me. I have a lot of shallow relationships that are great, but I realized that whenever I got closer to someone and they saw the deeper sides of me, that only resulted in their pity or hatred for me. Understanding people is normally supposed to do the opposite and create love, but not in my case. There’s no one I’ve ever met who got to see me, the rest of me, and decided I was worthwhile. My interactions are always genuine, but the full picture is what people don’t like. I guess I’m much more attractive as a puzzle piece rather than the completed set.

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ostfuidctyvm

The worst thing about being me is that I've spent most of my life dying rather than living, not in the literal sense but mentally, spiritually and emotionally. Then my physical health went into decline too. Without medication I couldn't get through a single day.

My worst trait is that I'm self destructive when pushed into certain corners.

Reject · 31-35, M

@ostfuidctyvm What exactly do you mean by dying. What gives you that idea? Is it dying as in you wish you did more with your life or something else?

ostfuidctyvm

@Reject It's hard to put into words but basically I've just been keeping my head down and waiting to die for all of my adult life. When I wasn't trying to make it happen myself that is. I've done many things and I've been many places, I've been very lucky like that, but I never had ambitions or dreams, things just happened. I'm either actively or passively focussed on the end, always. It's only with a whole lot of damage and medication that I can keep it passive rather than active.

Reject · 31-35, M

@ostfuidctyvm I know that feeling. I’ve been wanting to die ever since I was a kid. I always had ambitions and dreams though. It was failure in the pursuit of them that exasperated wanting to check out of everything. If I had to describe it, it’s a feeling that tells you things are so bad they couldn’t possibly be worse because anything that brings you closer to the end would be a mercy.