I Have a Question

Why do I miss my psychotic state of minds? Like after my last schizophrenic phase, I know it sounds weird but my psychosis was religious and music induce, it involve me in quest a quest to search for the light of life. Some were terrifying experiences but now that everything has pass and it's gone I miss feeling this ecstasy alter state of minds. Now My life is so dull, I can find that ecstasy.