I Have a Question

If you’re honest with yourself, do you always focus on your partner’s faulties and blame them for whatever problem going on? Or do you try to see what the problem is and focus on how it can be solved?

I don’t understand why so many people always throw their own problems on the other, spotlighting only their wrongs and faulties, and ask them to accept whatever the consequence will be.

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Paliglass · 41-45, F

Um. I see the problem. If I assessment the other person is causing an issue then I take them out of the equation after giving them a few chances.

For example my ex didn't like to go out with me and the children on days out (his btw) I had to force him. This is draining so I used to go out without him except for when I kidnapped him once and made him come after he said yeah and then tried to get out of it at the last minute.

So I still asked him but when he said no I just accepted it, got on with what I wanted to do and as I see it he missed out.

So problem: My problem: I wanted him to come out with us. His problem: He didn't want to. Solution: still ask him but be ok about him saying no and get on with it. Took him out the equation of him effecting me but because I wanted him to come still gave him the option.

One off problem: he said yeah but changed his mind as we were on our way therefore played with mine and more importantly the childrens emotions. I was driving. Solution: force him to keep his word to his children by refusing to let him out the car. He didn't do that again.

I try to rationally apportion blame. I always ask "who's problem is it" Is it causing me a problem? Yes, speak to person and if no joy change my actions or change my reaction to their responses. Is it causing them a problem? Usually no if you're the one who's upset so all you can do is talk to them. No point carrying on and on.

It's like a child's messy room. Who's problem is it? The child doesn't care so it's not their problem. It's the parents problem because they care. So either shut the door and don't look at it or tidy up yourself or spend hours of your life forcing your problem onto the child. Everything is a choice.

Mahjack · 31-35, M

I like this very much. There will always be problems, but you don’t kick them out of life just like that. Some sacrifices need to be made. Sometimes, we have to accept that there are differences and you can’t change everything. It’s just communication and understanding. Unless they keep avoiding responsibilites then that’s another story.

Personally, I think breakups should only happen when the other person keep avoiding responsibilities, cheating or simply keep being disrespectful to you.

OkieGemini · 61-69, F

Second option. If you're an adult, that's what should happen

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