I Have a Question For Married Men

Not all affairs are equal.

Some are exit affairs, as in the marriage is dead, but the decent thing to do is to talk about it and allow all parties to make informed choices.

Some people cheat for sport, and the simplest explanation I have is that they do it, because they can, and because they can always find affair partners who do not care about their role in other people's potential grief.

Some people recognize the magnitude of their mistake, apologize, and try to regain their partner's confidence and forgiveness. If the couple is committed, it can be done.

And is this world it's an accomplishment

@DNJ4EVER: if the marriage is dead, then a couple of things. 1) why stay in it?; 2) why would his wife care? if he engages his mistress on daily basis, then he's not spending much time at home anyway. He should just make it official, and get out. People have a lot of excuses for not doing the right thing.

Most men and women have affairs to fill a void in their life. They often stay married because of family, friends, job, church, and a host of other things they are unwilling to give up. In leaving a marriage you don't just give up the bad but all of the good too

There are as many reasons as there are people on the planet. It's not the same for everyone and every couple is different. I've been seeing him 7 1/2 years.. he has his reasons.

This question presumes that everyone equates sex with love. It's actually completely possible to love someone deeply, and still be sexually attracted to someone else. When that attraction is returned and opportunity presents itself - that creates a recipe for mistakes. We're only human after all. And even robots have occasional glitches. I really don't "get" all the fuss and angst over one-time or rare infidelities. I'm totally onboard w/the wronged party if the other person's out whoring, though . . .

@DNJ4EVER: If his marriage if dead, then why doesn't he simply get a divorce? People in love can still make a mistake, but carrying on a long term affair is something completely different.

Hmmm....longterm, single-person affair. That's much more serious & painful. I'm torn here. Like you, I'm tempted to agree that a heart can only truly belong to one person at a time -- but I had a friend recently who truly believed he had the capacity to love more than one woman, equally, and longterm. Many people in polyamorous relationships agree with that philosophy. I'm guessing there are truly people out there born with the capacity/propensity to bond with multiple mates. That's unfortunate if one of those mates isn't "into it." The person in your example should probably leave the marriage if the affair won't end -- and it's really bothering them.

This is actually sad but a friend of mine was cheating on his wife for a couple years. His reason was instead of having chicken every night, steak is nice once in awhile.

@Colormevibrant: yes, it is possible to have sex without love. Perhaps one can even have great sex without love. Yes, you can find someone attractive or sexy, if they are indeed attractive and sexy. However, acknowledging that a person is attractive, does not mean you want to have sex.

Mistakes do happen, and it's not huge deal if the couple has a prior understanding. If they promise to forsake others, then it is indeed a huge deal. Rare or not. I bet you a guy who justifies it as a mistake would have a shit fit if the shoe is on the other foot.

@northwest ,yes i am thinking the marriage is dead .But ,he's a caregiver so I don't think he will leave .He knows that if he gets caught it's all over for him and his wife .But still does it on a daily basis .Calls ,text,meeting up with her .IDK

It's not bothering him or her .I was wondering if he loves her also .If he loves his wife so much ,why is he cheating ?I know he wants her in his life forever friends first he says .But it's gotten deeper and that have gotten closer and closer to each other .

@jackrabbit10: another misuse of a metaphor. If you want a Corvette, then are you a Jimmy Johnson? If you're only married to someone just because this is the best you think you can get, then it's pretty sad (and I am using the royal YOU, not as is in you personally).

have you ever ben to a car lot see a mustang or a corvette,,your just cant wait to try it out,even if you cant afford it,,fast and tight smells so good,

Long term affair ,is right it's different .. He's likes his life but not in love with his wife .

@DreamsEntwined: a meat metaphor? I don't know if the chicken is meant to be settling for lower quality, but in addition to the insulting metaphor, he's saying that his marriage is not exciting, and perhaps it's not his wife's fault. It takes two to tango.

I wish I could help on this. I have been married 36 years this month and have never cheated. Not even a stolen kiss.

Theres an old saying.. women cheat on emotion men cheat on opportunity...Many guys cheat simply cause the opportunity is there

I'd leave the relation before starting another.

I see the men are lining up to answer this! Lol

Is it bad that i want to tell him wife ?

No whoring ,just a long time affair .What goes threw a mans mind to have his wife at home and another whom he tells everything ,shares secrets with ,but holds on to his marriage .What's that saying "secrets always come out "? I know someone in an affair for almost 6 years now .

Cars,meat WTF?? Anyway men /women cheat cause they are Not In LOve with their spouses any more ,but are stuck in a commitment they don't wanna leave.I would feel quilty as all hell ,if i love a man that i am cheating on . This man feels he is not doing anything wrong . He's wife don't give him anything ,so his mistress does.

Goes back to why are you still with her?? Cause she's sick mentally and you Want another woman ? idk

@dreams.So his woman are pieces of meat ? That's terrible to look at women like that .