I'll Keep Your Secret

I'll stop talking about her. I've put up two posts about her but I have to stop. It's just I've been carrying this around and I had to release it another way. I've exercised, meditated, read, I even drank....but it rips open the wounds and this is salted. Even as I type this my eyes are welling and I have to stop the tears from streaming -- I cannot cry about this!! I cannot!!! I knew better than to let my emotions in. I even caught myself feeling that giddiness when ever I saw her, or got a message from her. I knew that was wrong - I knew it!!
Am I happy for them? Of course, and of course not! I think about everything: Her personality, her intelligence, her laugh, her outlook on life, her tenderness, her toughness.....
But it has to be this way. It simply has to be this way. That's simply how it is.
I put on a smile and pretend I'm okay.
I'm sorry I took up your time -- I promise I won't write about her anymore.


It's just that.......it hurts.
y'know?