I'll Keep Your Secret

I'll stop talking about her. I've put up two posts about her but I have to stop. It's just I've been carrying this around and I had to release it another way. I've exercised, meditated, read, I even drank....but it rips open the wounds and this is salted. Even as I type this my eyes are welling and I have to stop the tears from streaming -- I cannot cry about this!! I cannot!!! I knew better than to let my emotions in. I even caught myself feeling that giddiness when ever I saw her, or got a message from her. I knew that was wrong - I knew it!!
Am I happy for them? Of course, and of course not! I think about everything: Her personality, her intelligence, her laugh, her outlook on life, her tenderness, her toughness.....
But it has to be this way. It simply has to be this way. That's simply how it is.
I put on a smile and pretend I'm okay.
I'm sorry I took up your time -- I promise I won't write about her anymore.

It's just that.......it hurts.
y'know?

SStarfish ·

Welcome! Anytime, also I hope you are doing better today (emotionally) :) as some guy's mom used to say to him "be careful what you wish for, you might get her" .. Some things aren't what they seem.. Sometimes we forget that there's a bigger brighter world out there beyond our narrow focus or scope of vision.. Maybe she's the girl for you.. Maybe she's not.. But whatever will be will be and all that.. We can't fight the inevitable and all that *yawns* anyway. :) see you around.. And also you write beautifully from the soul.. It's a rare sight to behold such raw and open and broken emotion :/ *sigh* I wish you well.