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I want softness so so badly...

I'm tired of fighting.

The hurt within me.

The hurt outside of me and beyond my control.

I want a little house, a little van, a little land and a lot of fresh air, peace and quiet.

Humans aren't meant to live how we do. The indigenous people knew what they were doing. I crave an environment with that kind of community and wisdom.

I lived in the van and escaped the daily grind for awhile... I've been miserable ever since I came back.
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You're exactly correct: Humans aren't meant to live how we (you) do. Misery shouldn't be part of everyday living.
I am hurt and angry that you are going through this.