I Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah
I lost. Four people in three months. My health. My love.
I'm so sorry to my friends who have written me. It's too painful, sometimes, to deal with real issues these days. I only tear up thinking about responding to your sweet and caring messages.
We, well, my cousin and his wife lost their infant, likely to SIDS, in August. We lost my maternal grandmother in August, when she needed a heart operation the doctors knew she would not survive. We lost my maternal grandfather, whose cancer had spread to his bones, in September, in his sleep. (In the middle of the night that night, I called out, "Hello? Hello?" after feeling someone shaking my shoulder. I thought it was my sister.) My mother was caretaker to both of them. And this October, we lost my paternal uncle to a brain tumor. Brain tumors run on both sides of my family. My father is now taking care of his place and his will.
I have been vomiting off and on since late spring. I know. Cute. I've lost hair from loss of nutrients. I've had fainting spells, and tachycardia. It's now "under control", aka barely under 100 bpm at resting, with a beta blocker. My blood pressure is elevated significantly. I've taken and done all the tests. I mean, I have to sit down to shower. Otherwise I'll start to feel faint again. Every time I shower, I lose so much hair I nearly cry. I have tried biotin, thyroid supplements, many remedies. It's NOT improving; in fact, it's getting worse. I'm on my way to a neurologist soon, hopefully, though I will call to stay on top of it; and I'm hoping for a head MRI. God willing.
I fell in love--with someone I met here, oddly enough. I always "knew" that wouldn't be me. 😋 He's an amazing guy. I broke it off over differences that would make sense to some, and none to others. That's okay. I need to do the right thing by us anyway. Love doesn't just disappear. Neither does grief.
I am depressed. It's a depressing time. I love my friends here. And I'm taking a break from writing to you anyway. I am being selfish, again, and seeking distraction. I will get back to you soon, my friends, my support, dear people whom I love. 🖤 I hope you can forgive this girl over here.
Love you guys.
...Truly.
(Obviously) with love, 🤗
Kayra
I'm so sorry to my friends who have written me. It's too painful, sometimes, to deal with real issues these days. I only tear up thinking about responding to your sweet and caring messages.
We, well, my cousin and his wife lost their infant, likely to SIDS, in August. We lost my maternal grandmother in August, when she needed a heart operation the doctors knew she would not survive. We lost my maternal grandfather, whose cancer had spread to his bones, in September, in his sleep. (In the middle of the night that night, I called out, "Hello? Hello?" after feeling someone shaking my shoulder. I thought it was my sister.) My mother was caretaker to both of them. And this October, we lost my paternal uncle to a brain tumor. Brain tumors run on both sides of my family. My father is now taking care of his place and his will.
I have been vomiting off and on since late spring. I know. Cute. I've lost hair from loss of nutrients. I've had fainting spells, and tachycardia. It's now "under control", aka barely under 100 bpm at resting, with a beta blocker. My blood pressure is elevated significantly. I've taken and done all the tests. I mean, I have to sit down to shower. Otherwise I'll start to feel faint again. Every time I shower, I lose so much hair I nearly cry. I have tried biotin, thyroid supplements, many remedies. It's NOT improving; in fact, it's getting worse. I'm on my way to a neurologist soon, hopefully, though I will call to stay on top of it; and I'm hoping for a head MRI. God willing.
I fell in love--with someone I met here, oddly enough. I always "knew" that wouldn't be me. 😋 He's an amazing guy. I broke it off over differences that would make sense to some, and none to others. That's okay. I need to do the right thing by us anyway. Love doesn't just disappear. Neither does grief.
I am depressed. It's a depressing time. I love my friends here. And I'm taking a break from writing to you anyway. I am being selfish, again, and seeking distraction. I will get back to you soon, my friends, my support, dear people whom I love. 🖤 I hope you can forgive this girl over here.
Love you guys.
...Truly.
(Obviously) with love, 🤗
Kayra
