Why am I nervous

I have 5 kids I’m done but I’m not the best at staying away from cowboy during ovulation and so far we’ve been lucky or so we think at least… anyways this has us wondering if he’s alittle infertile so we ordered an at home uh.. swimmer test.. that you mail in.. it checks for many things anyways why am i nervous about it because I’m afraid I’ll be kind of sad if he’s infertile because what ifs pop in my head 😥